5 10

12-31-2009, 07:44 PM #271
Lawyergoblin
Halfling in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location:
In a cave
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
From a real long way back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zanaril
Is that good or bad ?
Both.

12-31-2009, 08:03 PM #272
Zanaril
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location:
England
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by half-halfling
Zanaril -now You should draw scene where Haerta finds out about V and Tsukiko child . Or maybe:
Suvie , we need to talk. I think we will have third child, this time biological!

You mean you're pregnant? But … I always thought You're male!
Funny thing, I always thought You're female.
I thought they were both the same sex, whatever that was. But different genders. Or was it the other way 'round?

Anyway. *sips a glass of bacardi and coke*

I think I need to say a few words. *takes a larger swig*

After all we've done so far…. *Glug*

Here's to a new decade of crack fics!

*raises empty glass*
HAPPY NEW YEAR! (and don't get me started on timezones)

*falls over backwards*
*hic*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cracklord
Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy.
1) That was brilliant.
2) You tease.
__

Spoiler

12-31-2009, 08:19 PM #273
Sereg
Barbarian in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location:
South Africa
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Ok, here is the result of me rolling The dragon's hoardxJephton/Haerta/Ganneron Love/hate relationship.

Spoiler
“Well,” said Lee, “it looks like we have some souls to collect.”
“Great,” replied Cedric, “it’s not like we have don’t have anything better to do.”
“Maybe instead of looking for them,” suggested Nero, “we could lure them back here.”
“With what?” asked Lee.
“They should still have some lingering effects of being bound to the elf.” answered Nero, “We could offer them an opportunity for more revenge.”
“But Tiamat isn’t exactly thrilled with us at the moment,” Lee reasoned, “she isn’t going to let us use dragon souls as bargaining chips.”
“You have a point there.” sighed Nero.
“Wait,” said Cedric, “maybe it could work after we’ve made a couple of adjustments.”
“What do you mean?” asked Nero.
“Didn’t the elf believe that this started with the stealing of the dragon’s hoard?” Cedric asked, “Well, that impression may have stuck with our escapees and as the hoard was destroyed and the dragons who owned it are now in the lower plains, we should be able to manifest the spirit of the hoard.” Lee and Nero stared at him incredulously.
“You know,” said Nero, “the elf is crazy enough to mean it might work.”

Jephton, Haerta and Ganneron were flinging multiple destructive spells at the large pile of coins, gems and equipment back in the lower plains. “This is all your fault!” screamed Ganneron.
“Inky is gone!” cried Haerta.
“I like blowing things up.” proclaimed Jephton. Suddenly, however, they started seeing the hoard differently. It gave them freedom and allowed them to spend time in the body of that elf. How they missed being with that elf. Snuggling in among the coins was almost like being with the elf again. Now, if they could just remove these restrictive clothes, it would be like they were free once more.

The three fiends eyes’ were stretched very widely. “Okay,” said Cedric, “I confess that I didn’t see that coming, but at least we’ve got them back.”

Wow, that was contrived. Yet fun to write. I’m really enjoying the challenge of making these work.

And yes a Happy New Year. It’s already 4:30 am here.

In other news, I hate it when these stupid university computers don’t let me see the art.

EDIT: and Coffee, I also loved your high school fic.
__
The Good Cat Mistress shall show mercy to her servants

My Homebrew
Spoiler

Current Competition That I've Entered: Base Class Chalenge: The Light Beckons
Last edited by Sereg : 12-31-2009 at 08:21 PM.

12-31-2009, 09:15 PM #274
Water-Smurf
Orc in the Playground

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location:
Among the spiders
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Thank you to everyone and anyone who helped me with my question. ^.^

Has anyone seen Kaytara recently? I don't think she's posted for a while.

Anyway, I'm still working on the requests, and until then, here's a new CoP chapter. I'm not sure about how interesting it isI really needed to wrestle to write it and I'm still not happybut at least it's a chapter and we should be getting to something more interesting soon.

Spoiler
Vaarsuvius’s first impression upon awakening was crushing despair. The elf reached out feebly for Redcloak, searching for something to hold onto, and gentle hands caught weak pale ones. Lips brushed gently against the elf’s, then against the elf’s hairline.

“I’m here.”

The elf let out a soft sigh of relief, snuggling close and burying a pale face in a green neck. “Redcloak…”

The goblin kissed the elf, holding his lover close. Vaarsuvius would have been content to be in his arms in that warm bed forever. All the strength the elf had within had been sapped away. There was nothing left.

“Vaarsuvius, we need to get up.”

“I know.”

It would have been so easy to forget everything and stay lying there. It would have been easy to let the hanged elf, the elf with the molten eyes, the soldiers, and the remains of the mage’s broken family stay outside and settle into the snow, never to be seen again. It would have been easy to abandon this whole life.

But Vaarsuvius was stronger than that.

The elf took another moment, then forced violet eyes open.

Redcloak stroked the elf’s cheek, smiling gently. “We should prepare our spells before we do anything else. I don’t like staying in one place too long in this dungeon.”

Vaarsuvius sat up slowly, kissing the goblin softly, and pulled out a spell book. Redcloak ran his fingers through the elf’s hair, brushing his lips gently against the pulse point in Vaarsuvius’s neck, a low growling purr in his chest. It felt vaguely like a gesture declaring ownership.

Ownership? Should the elf rebuke him? Or was this another thing about relationships that Vaarsuvius hadn’t paid attention to during the elf’s marriage?

Vaarsuvius shifted curiously, pausing, then experimentally slipped an arm around the goblin’s shoulders, kissing his throat and the corner of his mouth with just as much of an air of ownership. The growling purr became louder and Redcloak nuzzled a slender neck, fully accepting the elf’s gesture and what it conveyed.

There really was no turning back, was there?

The elf kissed him again softly before pulling away. “Prepare your spells, Redcloak.”

Redcloak nodded, touching Vaarsuvius’s shoulder one last time before crossing his legs and placing his hands on his knees, closing his eyes. Vaarsuvius looked down at the spell book, murmuring very softly.

Time passed. It was relaxing for both of them to not have someone impatiently asking if they were done every other moment.

Vaarsuvius was finished preparing spells first. The elf stood from the bed and walked to their bags, taking out an apple and biting into it.

“I hope that that’s not your only breakfast.”

Redcloak shook himself out of his meditative state, divine magic running quickly in his veins, and he stood up and picked his armor up from its neatly folded pile on the floor. Vaarsuvius glanced up at him, arching an eyebrow and taking another bite. “We do not have very much sustenance left, Redcloak, and an elven metabolism does not require as much food as a goblin’s.”

The goblin put his armor on, making sure all the clasps were done properly before walking to the elf, sitting down and pulling a little food out. “You’re sick and are going to need to exert yourself physically, mentally, and magically today. What kind of cleric would I be if I didn’t make sure you ate?”

“A practical one, Redcloak. Regardless of our feelings for one another, it would still be in your best interest if I were weak.”

Redcloak sighed, kissing the elf’s cheek softly. “You don’t exactly inspire practicality in me, Vaarsuvius. Eat a little. I get worried.”

“I know you do, believe me.” The elf leaned against the goblin, allowing an affectionate nuzzle against a green neck. He smelled like sweat, old books, and rosemary. Vaarsuvius had never noticed before, but it put a general happy and well feeling in the elf’s heart. The rumble in the goblin’s chest made the elf’s heart beat faster. His scent, sharpened by the elf’s condition, clutched the mage close, caressing a pale face sensually. Vaarsuvius suppressed the shivers running down a delicate spine, instead kissing Redcloak’s neck softly.

Redcloak’s growling purr grew and Vaarsuvius sat up, taking a small part of a loaf of bread and starting to nibble at it lightly. The goblin started eating, eyes clouding with thought as he mentally mapped out the day. They had no idea where they were or where they had to go.

Vaarsuvius noted his expression, kissing his cheek gently. “Redcloak, we do not have the information needed to strategize. Do not try to.”

Redcloak looked at the mage, a tired smile playing over his face, and rested his head on the elf’s shoulder. “It’s still snowing outside. I’m going to have to cast a spell so we can deal with the weather.”

“Well, that is all we truly need to concern ourselves with at the moment, is it not?” Vaarsuvius sidled closer to Redcloak, snuggling against him and intertwining their fingers to prove the point. “We will keep traveling as we have. Every illusion has a center. If we go there, logic dictates that we shall find the gate.”

“What are we going to do once we get there?”

Vaarsuvius shrugged, kissing his neck lovingly. “We part ways. We may not be able to kill each other, Redcloak, but we are still able to think of what we both believe to be the greater good.” The elf looked up, gaze gentle, and leaned forward to brush their lips together. “Work for your cause, Redcloak. I shall work for mine.”

Redcloak sighed, reaching up and gently stroking his lover’s cheek. “I wish… You know, I lo…” He paused for a while. “We should go.”

He stood up, holding out his hand. Vaarsuvius took it and allowed the goblin to help the elf to stand. Redcloak avoided eye contact and put their supplies back in their bags, taking the blankets down from the windows and putting them away.

Vaarsuvius knew what he had almost said.

Had he finished, the elf would have told him the same thing.

Vaarsuvius picked up the last bag from the ground, slinging it over a small shoulder. “Let us leave. I do not like this place.”

“Neither do I.” Redcloak quickly cast Endure Elements on himself and on Vaarsuvius before he forced the door open, staring out warily at the wintry landscape. “We should hurry. We don’t know what we’ll run into.”

Vaarsuvius walked after him without a word. They joined hands and intertwined their fingers.

Somewhere in the distance, a creature growled and shifted.

—-

Aarindarius frowned as the illusion around him took a more distinct form. Snow fell from the sky lazily, covering the small abandoned town in immobile rivers of white. Something in him hummed softly and power left him in invisible tendrils, only coming back to report the sources of magic before reintegrating into his very being.

Three individual sources of black magic—one was definitely arcane, one was definitely divine, but the third was a little confusing—and three individual sources of neutral or good magic—one divine, one arcane, and another confusing one.

He sighed softly. He could feel his student’s fingerprint among the shadows, and her scent clung to the black divine magic tightly, but he couldn’t tell which tendril of magic belonged to her. He prayed silently to gods he didn’t worship for his old apprentice’s safety.

He started down the road again, trying to sort through the various signals he was getting. If he concentrated harder, he found three presences that didn’t exude magic. The rest of the world was completely made of the epic illusion.

Something he found odd, however, was a sort of… anti-source of magic somewhere in the dungeon. It was moving towards him. It was dangerous and it was moving towards him.

Aarindarius pursed his lips and continued to walk down the street, magic gathering at his hands.

—-

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!”

Haley lunged forward, driving her knife into the warm flesh of her captor. There was a muffled scream and it jerked away, grabbing at her wildly and pinning her to the ground. Its palms rubbed hard against the rope burns Haley had earned by escaping, sending throbbing pain through the rogue’s arm.

Haley paused, staring at the thing above her wide-eyed. She might as well have been looking at a mirror.

Her own face stared back, only her hair was long and wild again and her eyes were crazed. Duct tape covered her mouth, an insane scrawl of ‘no secrets no secrets no secrets no secrets’ spattered through it.

Before her eyes, the face shifted, turning into that of her father, the duct tape still clamped firmly on his mouth.

Haley kicked the creature off. It flew back, morphing into a familiar red-haired woman with green eyes, and clung to the wall like a spider, looking up at her with a crazed gaze, shrieking desperately from under the duct tape.

The rogue glanced to the side, eyes widening at the sight of Roy and Elan tied back-to-back, both staring off vacantly into space. “Guys! Wake up! Seriously! I really don’t want t—”

The creature posing as her mother sprang forward, digging barbed claws in her throat. It morphed back into Haley’s form, shrieking from under its gag, tearing at her neck.

Haley growled and punched the thing in the eye. It reared back, screaming, and tore its hands from her throat. Warmth poured down her neck to her chest, but Haley ignored it for now. She kicked the thing away, scrambling up again and brandishing the knife she had stolen from Crystal. “Come on, bitch! You want some of me?!”

The thing whimpered, backing away, tears running down its face, and it grasped its hair in fists, muffled sounds coming from under the duct tape. It was the picture of wretchedness, and Haley couldn’t help but feel a flicker of a mix between disgust and pity.

Haley warily backed off, holding her knife up, reluctant to attack someone who looked so much like herself, especially when it looked so pathetic. “What are you?”

It whimpered, bending over and sobbing, clawed hands reaching up and scrabbling desperately at the duct tape, trying to get it off. The tape stayed resolutely on.

Haley slowly side-stepped to her catatonic friends, hoping against hope that the fight was over and slicing through their bonds.

The creature jerked slightly, screaming in pain and tears of agony streaming from its eyes, before it shrieked and lunged for her.

Haley held up her knife reflexively.

The thing impaled itself on the blade.

Thoughts?

Happy New Year, everyone. :)
__

Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
Last edited by Water-Smurf : 12-31-2009 at 10:57 PM.

12-31-2009, 09:28 PM #275
Kyronea
Dwarf in the Playground

Join Date: Mar 2009
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShneekeyTheLost
Okay, the Darth V x Tsukiko fic is up on ff.net as "Now Entering". If someone could move it from the general OotS area to the Cracked Pairings community, I would be grateful. Enjoy, everyone…

… don't forget the Brain Bleach
YES. Wonderful stuff there. A pity that it had to be Tsukiko rather than, say, Hinjo, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole
Because V always is a dude to me and I will hold my breath agian till my brian cells die if I evr make him gay or lesbian (But i got nothin agianst real people you know).

Please take your homophobia elsewhere.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
And here's some Celia/Haley for you guys out there. I added in Elan and did some experimentation with perspective here. Tell me what you guys think.

Spoiler

Uhm…What do you guys think?

Oh, and guess who the friend from AP Chem is.
Nicely written as always.
__

Last edited by Kyronea : 12-31-2009 at 09:42 PM.

12-31-2009, 10:00 PM #276
CoffeeIncluded
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location:
New York
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Nice work as always, Water-smurf, but a bit confusing.

…And my brother went and ruined New Year's. More on this after I shower.
__
My webcomic!

12-31-2009, 10:01 PM #277
Kyronea
Dwarf in the Playground

Join Date: Mar 2009
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zanaril
It's a match made in incertainty.

Spoiler

Make sure that each family photo of V's increasingly numerous progeny has V looking slightly more tired.
That was very sweet, Zani.

Discord: Your pictures are simultaneously well drawn and yet mildly disturbing.

Water-Smurf: I agree with Coffee.

Coffee: Gah. Not good. :(
__

12-31-2009, 10:09 PM #278
The Dark Fiddler
Troll in the Playground

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location:
The forums.
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Water-Smurf
Thoughts?
Dammit, Haley, you don't startle the Witch!
__
Story of Ash, Chapter 2 - Let's Play Monster Rancher Advance 2!
Rest in peace, Crack Pairings Thread.
Unnoficial Let's Play Index - We Play the Games So You Don't Have To!
Avatar by Vaynor! Tons of thanks!

12-31-2009, 10:18 PM #279
CoffeeIncluded
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location:
New York
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyronea
Coffee: Gah. Not good. :(
I'm sorry, but I'm steaming over this and I need to rant.

On the way to the restaurant (One of the best, if not the best, steakhouses around), my brother spent the entire car ride screaming about…Certain male aspects of puberty, and how these…Aspects, combined with the metal zipper in the fly of his jeans, equals pain.

I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THESE THINGS.

Then at the steakhouse, he was INTOLERABLE. He spent the entire time throwing a temper tantrum (He's TWELVE, AND HAS NO MENTAL ISSUES OTHER THAN ADHD), screaming at everyone, rubbing his hands all over the steak, eating the bread instead of the steak, screaming at me, screaming at my parents, smacking me in the face, and so forth.

Then he ran around the steakhouse screaming and laughing and something about ostriches, and people were making comments.

It was two hours of hell, and now we can't go back.

Why?

I did nothing. Okay, I commented a bit at first, but I shut up for the rest of dinner. I was good.

But because my parents don't want to only take me and leave him behind, we both suffer. NOW MY PARENTS WILL GO THERE THEMSELVES AND LEAVE ME AND MY BROTHER BEHIND FOR SOMETHING THAT ONLY HE DID!!!

…*Sigh* Happy New Year to the Crack Pairings Thread and the playground.
__
My webcomic!

Last edited by CoffeeIncluded : 12-31-2009 at 10:52 PM.

12-31-2009, 11:12 PM #280
Kyronea
Dwarf in the Playground

Join Date: Mar 2009
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
I'm sorry, but I'm steaming over this and I need to rant.

On the way to the restaurant (One of the best, if not the best, steakhouses around), my brother spent the entire car ride screaming about…Certain male aspects of puberty, and how these…Aspects, combined with the metal zipper in the fly of his jeans, equals pain.

I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THESE THINGS.

Then at the steakhouse, he was INTOLERABLE. He spent the entire time throwing a temper tantrum (He's TWELVE, AND HAS NO MENTAL ISSUES OTHER THAN ADHD), screaming at everyone, rubbing his hands all over the steak, eating the bread instead of the steak, screaming at me, screaming at my parents, smacking me in the face, and so forth.

Then he ran around the steakhouse screaming and laughing and something about ostriches, and people were making comments.

It was two hours of hell, and now we can't go back.

Why?

I did nothing. Okay, I commented a bit at first, but I shut up for the rest of dinner. I was good.

But because my parents don't want to only take me and leave him behind, we both suffer. NOW MY PARENTS WILL GO THERE THEMSELVES AND LEAVE ME AND MY BROTHER BEHIND FOR SOMETHING THAT ONLY HE DID!!!

…*Sigh* Happy New Year to the Crack Pairings Thread and the playground.
Good lord, that's ridiculous. I wish things had gone better for you, Coffee.
__

12-31-2009, 11:13 PM #281
CoffeeIncluded
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location:
New York
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyronea
Good lord, that's ridiculous. I wish things had gone better for you, Coffee.
No it has not. He just tried to set off those party poppers at me and then kicked me in the face when I refused to clean them up for him.

And now he's screaming gibberish downstairs.
__
My webcomic!

Last edited by CoffeeIncluded : 12-31-2009 at 11:14 PM.

12-31-2009, 11:21 PM #282
Cracklord
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Wait until he gets to fourteen. He'll believe he is entitled to do whatever he wants, always say no, even when the opposite is in his own interest just to show he can, and act supremely arrogant. He'll believe he's smarter then you, and think if he makes a one liner rather then holding conversation people will assume hes witty. Take some advice, go out, even if you ave to sit in a bar alone.
__

Rip Van Winkle Avatar by Ninja Chocobo, whose warhead shall punish all without distinction.
Last edited by Cracklord : 12-31-2009 at 11:22 PM.

12-31-2009, 11:23 PM #283
CoffeeIncluded
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location:
New York
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cracklord
Wait until he gets to fourteen. He'll believe he is entitled to do whatever he wants, always say no, even when the opposite is in his own interest just to show he can, and act supremely arrogant. He'll believe he's smarter then you, and think if he makes a one liner rather then holding conversation people will assume hes witty. Take some advice, go out, even if you ave to sit in a bar alone.
And when he's fourteen, I'll be in college. Problem solved.

And he already does that. This is a kid who pretends to have a seizure while humping pillows and talking about poultry.
__
My webcomic!

Last edited by CoffeeIncluded : 12-31-2009 at 11:27 PM.

12-31-2009, 11:51 PM #284
Nathander
Dwarf in the Playground

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location:
Dallas, Texas
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cracklord
Wait until he gets to fourteen. He'll believe he is entitled to do whatever he wants, always say no, even when the opposite is in his own interest just to show he can, and act supremely arrogant. He'll believe he's smarter then you, and think if he makes a one liner rather then holding conversation people will assume hes witty. Take some advice, go out, even if you ave to sit in a bar alone.
To be fair, I had these same problems with my little sister. I think we can say that it's more "younger siblings" than it is just "younger brothers".
__
Assistant Executioneer of the Fanclub

Grunt Spearman of the Fanclub

01-01-2010, 12:25 AM #285
Monzach
Halfling in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2008
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
As a younger brother myself, I can say that we do get better. Or at least some of us do.

I hope that you can find something fun to do, Coffee. And you should always remember that you are your own person and no matter what anyone else does, even if they are a part of your own family, won't change anything fundamental about you.

Trans-Atlantic hugs and kisses to you.

01-01-2010, 05:20 AM #286
Asta Kask
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location:
Gothenburg, Sweden
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Coffee, if you are to become a veterinary you really need to practice on neutering, don't you? And you have a brother.

Regarding twincest, here's a little ditty I found on the web:

Spoiler
The Clone Song

By: Isaac Asimov
Tune: Home On The Range

Oh, give me a clone
Of my own flesh and bone
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And after it's grown,
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.

Clone, clone of my own,
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.

Oh, give me a clone,
Is my sorrowful moan,
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she's X-X,
And the feminine sex,
Oh, what fun we will have when we're prone.

Clone, clone of my own,
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.

My heart's not of stone,
As I've frequently shone
When alone with my own little X.
And after we've dined,
I am sure we will find
Better incest then Oedipus Rex.

Clone, clone of my own,
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.

Why should such sex vex,
Or disturb or perplex,
Or induce a disparaging tone?
After all, don't you see,
Since we're both of us me,
When we're having sex, I'm alone.

Clone, clone of my own,
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.

And after I'm done
She will still have her fun,
For I'll clone myself twice ere I die.
And this time without fail,
They'll be both of them male,
And they'll each ravage her by and by.

Clone, clone of my own,
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.

I thought it belonged here…
__
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dara O'Briain
“Well, science doesn’t know everything.” Well, science knows it doesn’t know everything, otherwise it would stop … But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairytale most appeals to you.”
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded.

Mother Hen of the Crack Pairings Thread

01-01-2010, 07:43 AM #287
Oooohaloophole
Banned

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location:
The Abyss (Kiev Ukrain)
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Hmmmm I realy liked Water-Smurfs story. The characters acted much like themselfs but you forgot a few cruitial pieces of information.
Heh heh heh. Anyway a good redcloak feer would be the fact that he MURDERED 300 HOBGOBLINS AND REANIMATED THEM AS GHOULS WHO ATE THE REMIANING 50. I think I wouldnt forget that so easily.

The funny thing is every second I expected with… Tisal, tiasal whatever is that she would turn into an infernal scion , it was like "Now….how about now….yes….Wings?…."

Last edited by Oooohaloophole : 01-01-2010 at 09:07 AM.

01-01-2010, 09:35 AM #288
silversaraph
Dwarf in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2007
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
I'm sorry, but I'm steaming over this and I need to rant.

On the way to the restaurant (One of the best, if not the best, steakhouses around), my brother spent the entire car ride screaming about…Certain male aspects of puberty, and how these…Aspects, combined with the metal zipper in the fly of his jeans, equals pain.

I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THESE THINGS.

Then at the steakhouse, he was INTOLERABLE. He spent the entire time throwing a temper tantrum (He's TWELVE, AND HAS NO MENTAL ISSUES OTHER THAN ADHD), screaming at everyone, rubbing his hands all over the steak, eating the bread instead of the steak, screaming at me, screaming at my parents, smacking me in the face, and so forth.

Then he ran around the steakhouse screaming and laughing and something about ostriches, and people were making comments.

It was two hours of hell, and now we can't go back.

Why?

I did nothing. Okay, I commented a bit at first, but I shut up for the rest of dinner. I was good.

But because my parents don't want to only take me and leave him behind, we both suffer. NOW MY PARENTS WILL GO THERE THEMSELVES AND LEAVE ME AND MY BROTHER BEHIND FOR SOMETHING THAT ONLY HE DID!!!

…*Sigh* Happy New Year to the Crack Pairings Thread and the playground.
That sounds disturbingly like myself when I was twelve. Even the scale between me and my sister and you and your brother is right. Though that doesn't sound like the kind of ADHD I have.

You should suggest neurofeedback for violent, ADHD mixed tantrums. It did wonders for me and I imagine the technology is much more advanced by now

Quote:
Originally Posted by Asta Kask
Coffee, if you are to become a veterinary you really need to practice on neutering, don't you? And you have a brother.

Regarding twincest, here's a little ditty I found on the web:

Spoiler

I thought it belonged here…
Oh, yeah, and OH MY GOD.

Edit: (to coffee) nevermind, I didn't read your second post.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silversaraph
And then the reverse-reverse happens. And then the universe implodes and creates a gigantic black hole. The end.
Spoiler
Last edited by silversaraph : 01-01-2010 at 10:15 AM.

01-01-2010, 10:08 AM #289
Kaytara
Ogre in the Playground

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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
By… By Asimov? Really? I didn't need to read that. I really didn't. O.O

Water-Smurf, as lovely as always. :) I'm intrigued by what is happening to Haley and Roy and Elan (if it really is them). And I'd love to know where Durkon is right now. By the "confusing" Good or Neutral magic signature that Aandy picks up on, do you mean Elan? Bards are technically arcane casters… :P

Tiny-ish point of criticism - I think you use descriptions like "delicate spine" and "small shoulder" a bit too often. It's good to remind the reader what the characters are physically like - painting a picture with words, as it were - but use it too much and it gets distracting. Especially if it sounds unusual, which "delicate spine" certainly does. :P

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole
Hmmmm I realy liked Water-Smurfs story. The characters acted much like themselfs but you forgot a few cruitial pieces of information.
Heh heh heh. Anyway a good redcloak feer would be the fact that he MURDERED 300 HOBGOBLINS AND REANIMATED THEM AS GHOULS WHO ATE THE REMIANING 50. I think I wouldnt forget that so easily.
Yeah, but that was before his "OMG the hobbos are goblins too! I need to take care of them!" epiphany.

I got Dragon Age Collector's Edition for New Year's (being Russian, we don't celebrate Christmas), along with a new graphics card. :D And two roughly 400-page books from two series I'm absolutely hooked on. Gaah. So much to read and play and so little time, even during the holidays. How I look forward to the time when we slowly turn into cyborgs and become much more efficient.

So sorry for your troubles, Coffee. *hugs CoffeeIncluded* *brainwashes Coffee's brother into reliving the scenarios of the various crack pairings in his sleep, every night, as punishment*
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01-01-2010, 10:26 AM #290
Asta Kask
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Oh, and I have a tagline for V: "Every man's woman, every woman's man."

Bonus points for knowing the source (without googling it.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dara O'Briain
“Well, science doesn’t know everything.” Well, science knows it doesn’t know everything, otherwise it would stop … But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairytale most appeals to you.”
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded.

Mother Hen of the Crack Pairings Thread

01-01-2010, 11:47 AM #291
Oooohaloophole
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaytara
By… By Asimov? Really? I didn't need to read that. I really didn't. O.O

Water-Smurf, as lovely as always. :) I'm intrigued by what is happening to Haley and Roy and Elan (if it really is them). And I'd love to know where Durkon is right now. By the "confusing" Good or Neutral magic signature that Aandy picks up on, do you mean Elan? Bards are technically arcane casters… :P

Tiny-ish point of criticism - I think you use descriptions like "delicate spine" and "small shoulder" a bit too often. It's good to remind the reader what the characters are physically like - painting a picture with words, as it were - but use it too much and it gets distracting. Especially if it sounds unusual, which "delicate spine" certainly does. :P

Yeah, but that was before his "OMG the hobbos are goblins too! I need to take care of them!" epiphany.

I got Dragon Age Collector's Edition for New Year's (being Russian, we don't celebrate Christmas), along with a new graphics card. :D And two roughly 400-page books from two series I'm absolutely hooked on. Gaah. So much to read and play and so little time, even during the holidays. How I look forward to the time when we slowly turn into cyborgs and become much more efficient.

So sorry for your troubles, Coffee. *hugs CoffeeIncluded* *brainwashes Coffee's brother into reliving the scenarios of the various crack pairings in his sleep, every night, as punishment*
How many times must I say this you CANNOT simply put on a hat later and say "Oooh I was wrong". THERE ARE STILL 400-500 dead hobbs because of him. Just saying Im GOOD doesnt fix anything

I also want to know thew levels of the PCs at that time, because a well worded Wish spell "I wish to teleport to the TOWN (Or something like that) in which V is located can simply solve the problem. So think of the DnD part of this because the webcomic is based off it.

And what are the Pcs levels at this piont in time. And are thet dead? How can they loose to a single Mystic therurge.
Last edited by Oooohaloophole : 01-01-2010 at 11:58 AM.

01-01-2010, 12:20 PM #292
Asta Kask
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole
How many times must I say this you CANNOT simply put on a hat later and say "Oooh I was wrong". THERE ARE STILL 400-500 dead hobbs because of him. Just saying Im GOOD doesnt fix anything

I also want to know thew levels of the PCs at that time, because a well worded Wish spell "I wish to teleport to the TOWN (Or something like that) in which V is located can simply solve the problem. So think of the DnD part of this because the webcomic is based off it.

And what are the Pcs levels at this piont in time. And are thet dead? How can they loose to a single Mystic therurge.
Methinks thou hath posted in the wrong thread.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dara O'Briain
“Well, science doesn’t know everything.” Well, science knows it doesn’t know everything, otherwise it would stop … But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairytale most appeals to you.”
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded.

Mother Hen of the Crack Pairings Thread

01-01-2010, 12:51 PM #293
Sereg
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Yikes! I hope things get better Coffee.

Anyway, I have a conundrum. I rolled Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might x Death knight but when I rolled a plot device I got "roll twice", so I thought this will be interesting but then I rolled "adultory" twice. So here's my question: Does this mean that I must only use one plot device, that I must reroll the second plot device, that both are married or something else that I haven't thought of? Is there a unanomous agreement, should I put this to a vote, should I write the same scene with multiple endings or should I do something else that I haven't thought of?
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01-01-2010, 01:06 PM #294
The Dark Fiddler
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Do whatever you want; ignore the second roll, roll again, come up with some crazy combination. That's the fun in it!
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Rest in peace, Crack Pairings Thread.
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01-01-2010, 01:26 PM #295
Thor Person Guy
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Alternatively, you can have one of the people in the pairing commit adultery twice.

….Yeah, there's something wrong with me.
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01-01-2010, 01:35 PM #296
Asta Kask
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
Then he ran around the steakhouse screaming and laughing and something about ostriches, and people were making comments.
If it's any consolation, I guess people were thinking either "can't the parents control the child" or "poor family, can't be easy." Probably, few of them were thinking "it's all that girl's fault, why can't she rein in her brother."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dara O'Briain
“Well, science doesn’t know everything.” Well, science knows it doesn’t know everything, otherwise it would stop … But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairytale most appeals to you.”
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded.

Mother Hen of the Crack Pairings Thread

01-01-2010, 01:45 PM #297
ShinyDelusion
Orc in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Loved the V/MitD, Zanaril. It was so surprisingly cute!

Speaking of cute, @ Discord: D'AAAWWWWW!!!!!

@ whoever said something about V getting Roy pregnant: Well, he was a she for a while, so, it could happen…

Gee Coffee, are you sure that's just ADHD in your brother, because I've never heard of it getting that bad in someone that old. 'Course then again, I guess some people are just naturally obnoxious regardless of any other conditions.

So, anyway, here's a sequel to CoffeeIncluded's High School AU story. I decided that not only did Elan invite Roy to the night at Celia's, but Celia's parents were gone for the entire weekend.

Also, since Coffee's is in first-person from Elan's POV, I decided to try it from Roy's POV.

Spoiler

If I had but known about everything that would transpire on Tuesday and transpire as a result of things that transpired on Tuesday, I would’ve just faked sick, stayed home, and skipped the whole sordid affair. Did I seriously just say that? Great. I can now add, “Talking like Elan does when he’s trying to be melodramatic” to the long list of horrible things that wouldn’t be happening to me if it weren’t for that fateful Tuesday.

Ironically, the day started out agreeably enough; I woke up to a good morning text from Haley:

Rise n shine cutie! <3 Dont 4get its band room day!

A good morning text. Band room day is a little tradition Haley and Celia came up with. Basically once a week (Haley usually picks the day), Haley, Celia, Elan and I will all meet up in Elan’s favorite practice room during lunch and… No need to draw a diagram, right? The first band room day was a couple of weeks after the weekend at Celia’s and amazing, and every one afterward has been better than the last. At this rate, a band room day will eventually top even the most treasured highlights of the weekend at Celia’s.

Ah, Celia, the best part of every four-way escapade Haley’s coerced us into. I guess we’ve been more-or-less a couple ever since Elan invited me to that would-be threesome. Sometimes I wish I knew how the hell that ditzy band geek manages to be so lucky, but I guess I should just be happy to be along for the ride without any complaints from the girls. As I sleepily mulled this over in that fluffy part of the mind only present when you’re just falling asleep or just waking up, my phone began playing my favorite Country song. Speaking of Celia…

I’m sick :( Celia’s message read, get my homework?

Frowning as the fluff faded, I carefully texted back, I’ll pick up your assignments, but are you sure? It’s band room day.

Vaarsuvius tells me (texted me once, actually) that the way I consciously make sure to text with correct spelling and grammar is overcompensation in rebellion against the “jocks are dumb” stereotype. That’s probably true, but there are texts in my inbox with words like “ubiquitous” and “ennui” (not to mention “overcompensation” and “stereotype”) that serve as proof that V of all people shouldn’t be one to criticize that particular habit.

My phone went off again.

I know :,( but I cant stop throwing up

With a sad sigh I replied, Okay, then. I hope you feel better soon! and put my phone on vibrate. As I got dressed for school, my stomach knotted a little. Celia’d been sick two days last week, and now she was texting me once again with the same complaint: woke up this morning and couldn’t stop throwing up. I feel like I’m “jinxing” it into happening just by thinking it, but, I don’t have to tell you what this could be mean…

I could be wrong, you know, it’s possible; it’d be a lie to say that what the four of us have been getting up to lately isn’t stupid (glorious, but, I must admit, stupid), but we’ve always used protection. Still… I wanted to talk to Durkon about this, since, aside from V, he’s the smartest friend I have, but I know he’d be so shocked by the whole thing and besides, Haley decided that we shouldn’t tell anyone. Even Vaarsuvius didn’t know, and Haley’s even closer to V than I am to Durkon, so she must be really serious about this secrecy thing.

I tried to shrug the matter off and just look forward to what was left of band room day (which was a struggle in and of itself; if someone had to get sick on band room day, I’d much rather it be Elan), but the way my gut twisted with worry forced me to skip breakfast as I headed for school.

—-

Of course I was starving to death by lunch time, so I scarfed down a bag of miniature chocolate-chip cookies from the vending machine as I headed for the practice room. When I got there the “occupied” sign was already displayed, and when I opened the door Haley was straddling a shirtless Elan on the floor.

“Thanks for waiting,” I said sarcastically, closing the door. Haley was still fully clothed, but her jeans were already unbuttoned and unzipped. They slid down a little on her hips to reveal black panties with white polka dots as she stood up to greet me. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I caught Elan watching me look at her. I think that when he originally invited me into this beautiful mess he thought that the weekend at Celia’s would be a one-time thing and that our foursome would split into two couples. I formed this theory the other day when I saw the look on his face when he found out that the “good morning cutie <3” texts from Haley that had replaced his broken alarm clock were going out to both of us (possibly all three of us, but I don’t know; Celia was sick the day we made this discovery while talking at lunch). He clearly doesn’t like that I get some of the same treatment that he does from Haley. I think even the things she does with Celia are starting to grate on his nerves a little; what he and Haley had before all this looked like a serious deal. Maybe he’s afraid he’s losing that.

“Sorry, baby,” Haley said, putting her hands on my shoulders, “Guess I just got excited.” She kissed me on the lips while Elan stared intently at the ceiling. “Mm, you taste good. Where’s Celia?”

“Sick,” I said. Haley frowned, probably thinking the same thoughts I had that morning.

“That sucks,” said Elan, sitting up, “Maybe we should do this tomorrow.”

“Maybe…” said Haley, still standing close to me, absently sliding her hands down to my hips and fidgeting with my belt, “But we could still do this now and tomorrow, right?”

“It’s not as fun without Celia,” Elan grumbled dispassionately.

“Aw, come on,” said Haley, undoing my belt while looking at Elan, “I think I can be enough fun to cover both us girls.” She turned her gaze back to me as her fingertips slid between the waists of my pants and my boxers, sliding both the slightest bit downward. “Don’t you, Roy?”

I really like Celia, and I know Elan more than really likes Haley, but, well, damn. The look she gave me while her soft, warm hands cupped my bare waist and began slowly nudging my jeans lower drove me mad.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, honestly surprised that I could still articulate words.

“All right,” she said, yanking my jeans down further and pulling me toward Elan, “Let’s do this!”

We didn’t even get all that far. If that day were a movie, it would be PG, maybe PG-13. Elan was in the process of helping Haley peel off her skinny jeans when we heard a sound.

“Did anyone else hear that?” Elan whispered, stopping cold.

“I thought these rooms were soundproof!” Haley hissed back.

“Well…” said Elan.

We heard the sound again. It was a violin, no, two violins playing the same note.

“You’re flat,” we heard a female voice say.

“Oh my god, we can hear what they’re saying?” Haley whispered desperately while my heart started pounding. If we could hear them…

“Sorry,” Elan whispered, “Most people don’t use the rooms back here. The rooms down the hall are better.”

We all froze, Haley glaring at Elan, Elan staring at the floor, and me gazing longingly at where my pants had landed on the other side of the room. We were all still in various states of undress, but we were too terrified to move.

A metronome started clicking in the other room, the female voice counted off quietly, and the two violins began to play. It sounded like an adapted segment of Mendelssohn’s Violin Concerto (that’s right, I’m a jock and I know about classical music). Didn’t V say something about doing some of a duet version of that piece with Miko for Solo and Ensemble Contest?

“I think that’s V and Miko,” I whispered, “Crap. I hate that chick.”

“That’s not what you told me last month at her volleyball game,” Elan muttered with a grin.

“Shut up!” I shot back. Fine, I’ll admit, Miko’s really hot, but trust me, you lose sight of that fact very quickly once you get to know her. Having to be partners with her for a three-day lab in our science class was enough to teach me to loathe her as much as my friends do.

“Sh!” said Haley pointedly, glaring at both of us.

The violin duet stopped. Don’t panic, I told myself, One of them probably just messed up and they’re going to start over in just a few seconds…

“You heard it too?” we heard Miko ask.

“Oh,” Haley moaned, “You guys have really done it now…”

“What did I—” I began to ask.

The door swung open, getting caught on my jeans while Miko and Vaarsuvius just stared.

Elan was speechless. I was paralyzed with shame. Only Haley tried saying, “Okay, look. I know this looks bad, but, I can expl—”

“You guys are disgusting!” Miko exclaimed, “I’m reporting you to principal Shojo!” She hurried off down the hall.

That might not be so bad. Shojo’s allegedly a senile piece of work that school officials have been trying to talk into retiring for years. Maybe he’ll be too distracted to care.

We looked at V. All we got was a face palm and a muttered question that sounded like “Why should I even be surprised?” before our purple-haired friend wandered off as well.

I wasn't sure what should happen next, so I decided to just stop there and go ahead and post what I had so far.

01-01-2010, 02:06 PM #298
Oooohaloophole
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asta Kask
Methinks thou hath posted in the wrong thread.
methinks thou are crect. I just hope The Smurf dude takes this into acount (A monstrous version of himself attacks him holding heads or stuff of goblins hes killed)

01-01-2010, 02:11 PM #299
The Dark Fiddler
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole
methinks thou are crect. I just hope The Smurf dude takes this into acount (A monstrous version of himself attacks him holding heads or stuff of goblins hes killed)
There is no 'Smurf dude'. Do you perhaps mean Water-Smurf, who is a dude-ette?
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01-01-2010, 02:15 PM #300
Discord
Bugbear in the Playground

Join Date: May 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Haha, ShinyDelusion, I loved the part when Roy commented about Haley's look. You just know she's insatiable.

One things that bugs me, though, is why Miko and V would check the other room for people talking in it? I'd understand if they were screams of passion, but simple sentences shouldn't inspire them to check.

Anyway, can I hope for some V x Miko in the future?

P.S. What happened to you was really unfair, Coffee. *hugs*
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Last edited by Discord : 01-01-2010 at 02:19 PM.

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