5 2

12-29-2009, 09:16 PM #31
Sstoopidtallkid
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShneekeyTheLost
Doing a bit of polishing on my Darth V x Tsikiko ship in the intervening time frame before I'm allowed to post on FF.net. I must say, it is… very citrus flavored. Although not for all audiences. I may have to put sufficient 'tags' to warn people what they're about to get into before reading.

I'd probably rate it 'M', on the FF.net ratings
Yeah, did you notice I made my story both M and then added all sorts of "This is brain bleach worthy and creepy as all get out!" to it? There's a reason that I think the group will never flourish, but always have new materiel.

Edit: And should I add my Murphy's Law story to CI's thread or this one?
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[/sarcasm]
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I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.
Last edited by Sstoopidtallkid : 12-29-2009 at 09:17 PM.

12-29-2009, 09:22 PM #32
CoffeeIncluded
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sstoopidtallkid
Yeah, did you notice I made my story both M and then added all sorts of "This is brain bleach worthy and creepy as all get out!" to it? There's a reason that I think the group will never flourish, but always have new materiel.

Edit: And should I add my Murphy's Law story to CI's thread or this one?
Uhm, both, please? Thanks.
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12-29-2009, 09:27 PM #33
ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
I like lemonade and lemon snacks.
Those are not the only flavors in this particular dish…

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sstoopidtallkid
Yeah, did you notice I made my story both M and then added all sorts of "This is brain bleach worthy and creepy as all get out!" to it? There's a reason that I think the group will never flourish, but always have new materiel.

Edit: And should I add my Murphy's Law story to CI's thread or this one?
I am, at least, polite enough to warn readers *before* they feel a driving need to reach for the Brain Bleach… some things, you just can't un-read. And some people have certain… issues… with certain topics. I don't wish to offend anyone, so I at least ensure readers are informed.
__
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharaoh's Fist
Real optimizers use Samurai*!

*Damn you Shneeky!!!
Joker Bard, the DM's solution to the Batman Wizard.
Last edited by ShneekeyTheLost : 12-29-2009 at 09:30 PM.

12-29-2009, 09:30 PM #34
CoffeeIncluded
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShneekeyTheLost
Those are not the only flavors in this particular dish…
Let's see just how high my Will Save against squick is, then.

I've got quite a few bonuses to my save.
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12-29-2009, 09:34 PM #35
Sstoopidtallkid
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Here's some Murphy's Law fic, warning:Complete and utter crack, and far less polished than I normally post.
Spoiler
Humans are so confusing. A few minutes ago these two were at each other's throats over me, and now he's complimenting her on her clothes? And is she blushing when she says it goes well with her dress?
…oh my. "Show off your figure?" A rabbit would call that too forward. And she giggled? Well, at least he's keeping up the compliments, though he has no idea what' proper conversation is with ladies present. Aaand now he just called her attractive as crudely as he possibly could. Why is someone as
wise as she is falling for something as moronic as this? She must not be used to the idea that the guys of the world would want to see her figure, though really, he only cares about one thing…Oh no. She's calculating now. What is she thinking? Um…what does she mean, 'Has he ever had a 3-way?' AWAKEN SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR THIS!!!

Dang. That was totally worth it once he let me into his pants.
Shorter than I'd planned, but I couldn't make the most obvious viewpoints work.
__
[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!
Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

12-29-2009, 09:36 PM #36
CoffeeIncluded
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sstoopidtallkid
Here's some Murphy's Law fic, warning:Complete and utter crack, and far less polished than I normally post.
Spoiler
Shorter than I'd planned, but I couldn't make the most obvious viewpoints work.
So Weasel/Matt then?

I love this.

Guys, am I being…Annoying?
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12-29-2009, 09:43 PM #37
ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
Guys, am I being…Annoying?
Not in the slightest. Every author wishes his works read. An eager reader is an egobo for any author.
__
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharaoh's Fist
Real optimizers use Samurai*!

*Damn you Shneeky!!!
Joker Bard, the DM's solution to the Batman Wizard.

12-29-2009, 09:46 PM #38
Sstoopidtallkid
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Weasel, Matt, and Radic. She…really loves nature, and wasn't willing to take on someone of Matt's expertise without help. I cut too much when I changed viewpoints.
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[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!
Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

12-29-2009, 09:48 PM #39
CoffeeIncluded
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sstoopidtallkid
Weasel, Matt, and Radic. She…really loves nature, and wasn't willing to take on someone of Matt's expertise without help. I cut too much when I changed viewpoints.
…Well, put it back in!

…Please?
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Last edited by CoffeeIncluded : 12-29-2009 at 09:48 PM.

12-29-2009, 09:55 PM #40
Sstoopidtallkid
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
I'll update it, since you asked so nicely. Gimme a bit, though. Most of what I cut was between panels 8 and 9, so I have to be cautious reworking it.
__
[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!
Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

12-29-2009, 09:56 PM #41
CoffeeIncluded
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sstoopidtallkid
I'll update it, since you asked so nicely. Gimme a bit, though. Most of what I cut was between panels 8 and 9, so I have to be cautious reworking it.
Hooray! Thank you!

Once again, apologies if I seem too overeager. I'm kinda like Elan. Except with decent INT and WIS scores.
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Last edited by CoffeeIncluded : 12-29-2009 at 09:56 PM.

12-30-2009, 01:02 AM #42
Aaron
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Horay! New thread! PARTY TIME!

… Hey, where'd Water-Smurf go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
Hooray! Thank you!

Once again, apologies if I seem too overeager. I'm kinda like Elan. Except with decent INT and WIS scores.
Wait, only decent?
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12-30-2009, 02:25 AM #43
Nathander
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShneekeyTheLost
Not in the slightest. Every author wishes his works read. An eager reader is an egobo for any author.
This, more or less. Though many authors won't directly ask for it, every author wants to know someone is reading, and enjoying, what they've wrote.

Anyhow, here's the third chapter of my Miko/Therkla fic, "Orphans", hot off the presses.

Spoiler
The silence in the room seemed almost oppressive, as if Miko’s words weighed down the atmosphere itself. Therkla found herself clenching and unclenching her hand, a subconscious reaction she had developed to keep herself from blurting out during moments of stress. That Miko would have snapped in some way wasn’t entirely surprising. Despite the collected demeanor the paladin had attempted to put, there was something clearly wrong with her if you but looked closer. In many ways, Kabuto had been banking on the woman snapping and being imprisoned as the most beneficial way of getting her out of the way while avoiding the distinct possibility of more of his House’s assassins dying then needed.

Though fighting it, Therkla allowed a small frown to form. It wasn’t that Kabuto necessarily cared for his ninjas; hell, he hadn’t even seen her as anything more than an important asset. Her death would have counted as a setback more than anything worth mourning. It didn’t bother her anymore (or ever again, she figured). She had long come to accept that the affection she had felt for the man was one-sided, that he’d never had seen her as the daughter figure she had wanted to be.

Clench. Unclench.

She shook her head as she looked over at the once-proud paladin who had been made nearly as humble after her fall. Miko had turned her attention from Therkla and Elan back to the tree, fixated on the plant. Therkla struggled to find something to say to the woman that could have any meaning to her. Her struggle ending fruitlessly, with her shaking her head in disappointment. Giving a small sigh, she turned to leave for breakfast. Elan lightly patted on the shoulder, smiling at her gently; what he lacked in intelligence and common sense, he seemed to be able to more than make up with empathy.

“Are you done then?” Miko asked, never turning to face the two of them.

Facing the door, Therkla asked “Done with what?”

“With your attempt to trap me.”

Clench

Therkla turned around, confounded by what the woman could be trying to get at. “Trap you?” She said each word slowly, as if only now discovering them. “Into what?’

Unclench

“Do not play coy with me.” Miko’s monotone broke once more, this time into indignation, before resurfacing again. “You knew that I was under arrest, and simply wanted to know the cause. That is the reason you engaged me, to try and guile me into telling you what it was.”

Clench

Therkla turned back to face the paladin, her mouth hanging slightly open. Even if Miko’s pride had flipped itself over into humility, her paranoia was apparently still working at full force. “Miko, you’ve got it wrong.”

“Do I?” Miko asked blandly, raising an eyebrow as she turned her head to face the half-orc.

Unclench

“Yes.” Therkla let out a small breath of relief. Even if so little had been said between the two of them, she wanted to get along with the paladin. After all, the two of them could very well be roommates for awhile if the fleet was still unable to find a port to settle in. They could very well be cellmates, all things considering, when the ships landed.

“Then you merely meant to embarrass me, is that it?” The sting of the question was elevated by the dull tone of voice Miko took.

Clench

“WHAT?” Therkla’s voice filled the room. She was surprised by how loud she could be; screaming didn’t tend to lend itself well when attempting to go unnoticed.

“You talked with me simply to get under my guard so you could force me to admit my faults for your own amusement.” Miko’s eyes stayed glued to the half-orc, emotion completely lost within them. “Why else would you show any interest in my exercise?”

“Maybe…maybe we should go.” Elan, forgotten and uncommonly quiet during the exchange between the women, implored. He hated seeing people fighting with each other, or being miserable in general. He’d found that it was a lost cause to try and cheer Miko up, but if he could find some way to keep Therkla happy at least, he’d take it.

“Go ahead. I’ll meet you in a minute.” The half-orcs’ voice remained calm, though Elan could hear the strain that had started to seep in.

“Therkla, are you…”

“Go.” her voice was a snarl, the small fangs at each side of her mouth seeming to become more pronounced. She felt a pang of guilt as she watched Elan sneak out the door, concern for her well-being still evident in his expression. Therkla averted her attention to the floor as she felt rage fill her, a rage she had struggled with for years. She told herself that it was simply an effect due to the orc blood that ran in her. She alone couldn’t simply have that much rage. Her fist began to shake, an outlet to keep her from completely letting the anger that ran through her take hold of her entirely.

Taking a deep breath, Therkla responded, “I wasn’t trying to trick you, Miko.” She monitored her voice, trying to make sure her mounting anger wasn’t becoming any more evident than it already was. “I just…I wanted to talk with you, and I didn’t know how to start.”

Miko simply stared at the woman for a moment. “And do you want to talk to me still?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Her fist had stopped shaking, though remained clenched.

Miko stood up, eyes fixing on her tree for a minute before returning to Therkla again. “Really? You’d want to talk to a murderer?”

“It really wouldn’t be different than any other day for me.”

“None of the other murderers you know condemned an entire nation to destruction.” The neglect Miko had shown her own body was showing its toll more and more. Therkla found herself wondering when the last time the paladin had slept was. “If I had not slain Lord Shojo, Azure City would-“

“It would’ve still been overrun.” Therkla responded coolly. Maybe if she could find some way to nip the center of the self-loathing that had overtaken the woman, she could start to form some actual connection with her. “Listen, even if it was Lord Shojo trying to set up a defense, the nobles would’ve deserted him. Sure his death helped demoralize the people, but even the slight boost of morale he could have given wouldn’t have made a difference. There was just too much working against us from the start.”

“And that excuses my actions?” Miko’s voice was a hiss issuing through grated teeth, fury igniting in her eyes. Not desirable, but at least it was an emotion. Her body quivered for a moment, her voice cracking as she continued. “Do you know what it’s like to find yourself afraid to sleep? Afraid because you know the moment you close your eyes you won’t be able to get the image of the man who helped you achieve your potential…” tears began to form in her eyes, and she violently shook her head to be rid of them, “…who raised you…to see him die at your hands…to feel the warmth of his blood as it hits your face-“

“You’re not the only one who’s lost a father.”

“I’m the only one who’s murdered theirs, however.” Miko regained her composure, the fear and sadness leaving as if they had melded back into her. “For that, I intend to make sure I receive the punishment I’m due.”

Therkla found herself unable to keep her expression neutral, a frown overtaking her features. Attempting to talk with Miko, it seemed, entitled a constantly shifting set of emotions. “You made a mistake.” She said softly, attempting to return to the affable tone she had with Miko before. “You’ve realized you were wrong. You can still make up for it.”

“How?”

“Maybe if you show you’re penitent, you’ll be shown mercy.” Therkla walked slowly towards the paladin as she talked. “Maybe they’ll send you on a quest or something to atone. You could become a paladin again.”

“A quest.” A corner of Miko’s mouth twitched slightly, curving into a small, pointed smile. “You think that’s all it takes to make up for what I did? To just wander around, smiting what I thought were ‘evildoers’ when the real evil-doer was with me the entire time.” Her voice had lifted into a hollow and ugly laugh. “Tell me, how would that solve anything?”

Therkla bit her bottom lip to stifle a scream. Despite having peered on several of the paladin’s conversations before, she hadn’t realized just how insufferable talking to the woman was until she had tried it herself. She could feel her fist begin to shake again, and attempted to stop it. “You’re right.” Her voice came out struggling for control. “Why go out and try to do some good in the world? You’re better off just sitting in a dark room, letting yourself wither away.” She let out a short cruel laugh. “You’re sure making a lot out of having survived a battle that killed most of your city’s defenders, huh?”

“You don’t understand.” Miko’s right hand shot out, index finger pointing at the half-orc. “You can’t understand.”

“I can’t understand what?” Therkla gave up any attempt to be polite to the woman. There was no warrior left in her, nothing to admire; just a withered shell. “What it’s like to lose something important to you? Something you lived for? You’re not that special, Miko.”

“I know I’m not special.” Miko turned and sat down yet again in front of the tree, resting her chin in her palm. “I’m nothing.”

Therkla turned away from the paladin and headed towards the door, boots stomping loudly on the boards of the cabin. She brushed past the guards beside the door easily and stomped towards the small group on deck eating their breakfast. She resisted the urge to strike one of the walls of the ship or the ground; any other time she had attempted to relieve her anger through a physical means, she’d simply wound up in a near rage. Besides, if Miko wanted to refuse any help given to her, to decide to simply rot away when she could be saved, then to hell with her, right? She wasn’t going to waste any more of her time on the woman.

Yet Therkla knew she was lying to herself. For some reason, she found she couldn’t let the idea of saving Miko go. She supposed it was due to the fact that of everyone left that had survived the battle and the following three months at sea, she was the most familiar with the fallen paladin. All of the years of spying on the woman on Kabuto’s orders had bred a sense of familiarity with the woman, despite the fact that Therkla had never tried to openly approach her until today. In an odd way, Miko was the only remaining piece of the life she had remaining from the destruction of Azure City, and she didn’t want to let it go.

Her thoughts were quickly broken as she lurched back, a plate of food nearly striking her in the lips. She was prepared to yell at whatever numbskull had thought forcing the plate towards her was a good idea until she noticed it was Elan. Smiling his goofy smile, he told her, “I saved you a plate.”

Therkla nodded and took the plate gratefully, smiling back. She didn’t trust herself to speak, not with her emotions strung so high. She sat down on deck and, taking up her chopsticks, began to eat. She let out a small sound of pleasure, the food still warm. The bard sat down beside her, and the two ate in agreeable silence with one another. Therkla smirked as she watched the blonde-hair man eat; he’d found himself overly clumsy with chopsticks, and hate taken to eating his meals with a fork he had apparently packed away with him. The sight was cute to her, in its own odd way.

She felt a far stronger wave of warmth enter her body as she felt a firm hand place itself on her back. “Restoration.” Durkon’s voice was soft and comforting, and she felt the remaining strength she had lost from the poison come flooding back into her. The dwarf sat down on the other side of Elan, resting his own plate of food on his lap. Looking towards Therkla, he asked, “Sleep well, lass?”

“For the most part, yeah.” Therkla rolled her head a few times, limbering up. Bowing her head slightly to the dwarf, she said, “Thank you. For saving me.”

Smiling slightly as he ate, Durkon replied, “Think nothing o’ it. It’s me duty in this life ta do so.”

Finishing his plate, Elan sat the empty dish and curled his arms around his legs as he sat. “So…” he began, voice brimming with optimism as he turned to face the cleric, “did you get a reply?”

Durkon’s smile faded as he shook his head, Elan sighing and looking down into his lap. Therkla felt a pang of jealousy shoot through her. Therkla hoped whoever the woman was that Elan was pining for was just as miserable as he was, was torturing herself to get in touch with him. Therkla took a hasty bite of her food, trying to drive her current pattern of thought out; she’d already gotten upset more than she needed to once today; no sense in doing it again.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” The new voice was strong, but considerate. Looking up, Therkla found herself facing Hinjo, the current lord of Azure City. Or, at least, its people. His upbringing and royal heritage was obvious, though he possessed a sense of humility that was welcome rather than stifling, as Miko’s forced one had been.

“I’d think ya should be free to.” Durkon replied amiably, trying to provide an optimistic mood to cheer up his companion. “It’s yer junk we’re all gathered on, after all.”

“So it is.” Hinjo replied, a smile crossing his lips as he sat across from them. “Even after all these months, I can’t get over the fact that it’s mine now.” Taking a small bit of food in his chopsticks, he said pleasantly as he looked at the ninja, “And you’re Therkla, correct?”

Therkla nearly choked on her food, eventually swallowing the painful lump of food as she overcame her shock. How the man could sound so pleasant towards her after the times she and her men had tried to assassinate him confounded her. Placing her plate on the planks in front of her, she bowed before the man as she said, “I am, Lord Hinjo.” She spoke quickly, nearly stammering the words out. She was unaccustomed to showing etiquette for nobility to anyone aside from Kabuto.

“Please don’t do that.” Hinjo replied quickly, waving a hand to have her sit back down. She was shocked by the young lord’s own embarrassment, making it clear that he still hadn’t become used to being looked upon as his people’s ruler. Sitting back down, she wondered how long it would take him to get used to it. He surprised her again when his voice returned to its pleased tone as he said, “Elan told me about you.”

Looking at her plate, she stated, “So you know I was behind all the attempts to kill you?”

“Yeah, but he also knows you tried to stop Kabuto too, and that he almost killed you for it.” Elan added hastily.

The bard’s words seemed to have little effect on the woman. Looking up at Hinjo, she asked with her best poker face, “So what now?”

Placing his own plate beside him, Hinjo matched her gaze as he replied, “I’m afraid yours crimes will have to be brought up with the magistrates and court once we land. Unfortunately, it would seem I’m the one quickest to forgive you for trying to kill me.” He offered this last bit cheerily. When Therkla’s expression didn’t soften, he added, “While your crimes would be severe, the fact that you eventually rejected Kabuto’s orders says something about your character. I intend to see if I can afford you some leniency.”

“You think a lot better of me than you should.” Therkla turned her gaze from the paladin, eyes floating to look at the floor. She was tempted to tell him that, if it hadn’t been for the bard, there was little chance she would have ever disobeyed Kabuto. She tried to cut that line of thought off; there was no sense is sending herself spiraling into self-loathing like Miko had.

“Maybe.” Hinjo replied, taking his plate back up as he began to eat again. “But I don’t think so. It’s a rare case when someone is completely beyond redemption. I’d be surprised if it was out of your reach.”

“What about Miko?” The words slipped out of her without thought. Therkla found herself surprised by her own question, having thought she had been able to push the woman out of her thoughts for at least a few moments. Instead, she found the image of the woman coming clearly to her mind, and the rage she had felt towards the slowly dying woman was replaced with sadness. Mouth agape, she grasped for something else to say as her dining companions stared at her for a moment.

Clearing his throat, Hinjo asked, “How much do you know about Miko’s…infraction?”

“Enough.” She mentally kicked herself for her rudeness towards the man. Swallowing, she replied, “I know what she did, but not why she did it.”

“It’s a long story, and not mine to tell.” Hinjo began, one of his palms unfurled in front of him as he spoke. Pausing for a moment, he continued, “I want to forgive Miko; the fact that she feels repentant for her actions shows that she realizes she did something wrong. But instead of working towards redeeming herself, she’s chosen to condemn herself. It’s as if she doesn’t understand she’s been given a chance so few others have ever had.” A bit of anger entered Hinjo’s voice as he spoke.

Taking a deep breath, he looked Therkla in the eyes. The half-orc was amazed to see genuine concern there, concern for a woman who had murdered his last living relative. His tone was almost pleading as he continued, “If she were to just try and help herself, to find a different way to express her sorrow for her actions to me, I’d do what I could to help her, to try and get her a sentence aside from what otherwise awaits her. To give her the chance to redeem herself.” He closed his eyes as he finished, “But she has to be able to help herself first. I can’t carry her load myself, and I don’t want to be forced to throw her aside and let her sink.”

The three sat in silence for a moment before Therkla took her plate and stood up. Wetting her lips, she said, “If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to finish my meal in my cabin.”

A small smile curved onto Hinjo’s lips as he bowed his head slightly. “You’re excused.”

Turning to leave, Therkla turned back for a short moment as Elan called out. “Hey!” The bard smiled at her, his voice enthusiastic as he said, “Good luck!”

Therkla smiled as she headed back to Miko.

Miko looked at the door as the half-orc slammed it shut. She sighed, a light rattling sound, as she stood back up. She felt bad at having spoken the way she did to the ninja. She was displeased by that; she had fallen into a comfortable numbness before they had placed the ninja in her cabin. At first, she had thought the other woman wouldn’t have been a distraction, that she’d have minded her own business as Miko would mind hers. She felt guilt at having treated Therkla the way she did, and found that her numbness hadn’t let her escape guilt’s grasp as she had thought. That bothered her, but she knew it wouldn’t do so for long.

She went over to the window curtains the half-orc had opened and closed them, plunging the room into the dimness she had grown accustomed to. She returned to her tree and sat down, gritting her teeth as her joints creaked in pain. She could feel her ribs digging against her chest and breathed in deeply, ignoring the pain. The pain would only be momentary now; soon, she’d settle into the numbness she had been looking for since the battle. She found her mind suddenly rolling back to Therkla, and she wondered which martial class the half-orc would pursue. She needed some more training before she could hope to use a shinai correctly, let alone a martial weapon.

Miko shook her head, driving the thoughts back. What happened to the half-orc wasn’t her concern. The only thing that mattered to her now was the pleasant darkness and her tree. One of the leaves from the tree’s thin, brittle branches fell from its spot, and Miko extended her hand to catch it. It lightly touched her palm and rested there, and Miko studied it; to her surprise, there seemed to be a soft, blue light emitting from it.

“You know, I don’t think the diet was necessary Miko.” The leaf slipped through her fingers at the sound of the voice, and Miko realized the light wasn’t coming from the leaf. It was coming from behind her.

“Hell, I always thought you were a bit skinny even before this.” Straining, Miko stood up again and slowly peered behind her. “You could have done with a bit more on your plate now and then.”

She felt the breath leave her lungs at the sight, her body trembling. He appeared as she remembered him, not as he was in his last years; old, but still powerful and regal in appearance, his hair a pepper grey instead of pure white, his posture straight and unstrained. But most of all she knew the smile; a small, ephemeral thing that seemed to say it was in on a joke few others knew or would ever know, a joke that never seemed to end.

“Hello, Miko.” Shojo said. “We need to talk."

Any criticism/thoughts would be welcome. :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler
Lass, ye need to respect yet body.
Julia: Teach me, you Dwarf!
A triumph. This could be the whole fanfic, and I think it would still be labeled a success.
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12-30-2009, 04:10 AM #44
Zanaril
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Aww, you guys started the new thread while I was asleep.

This is what I get for going to bed at a reasonable time.
__

Spoiler

12-30-2009, 04:32 AM #45
ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Here's a sneak preview of the first portion of my story… the part which can be safely posted to the forums, anyways. Still can't post on FF.net until tomorrow.

Spoiler
Tsukiko couldn't sleep. Between the 'informational interviews' with that paladin, the antics of… whatever the hell was under that umbrella, and the pitter-patter of thousands of stinking (and the term is used advisedly) Hobgoblins, it was rather difficult to obtain any measure of sleep without some sort of Cone of Silence. Which she wasn't going to use, because of the off chance that Redcloak might send someone down to quietly off her. And she was never one to let down her guard anyways.

So, after looking in on her cute little wights, to make sure they had their fill of their daily requirement of living flesh (and a few less noisy hobbos to take up space around here), she decided to go wandering the premises. After all, she never got a chance to see much of the castle before His Litchness showed up. So strong too…

She shook her head to derail that train of thought. It was clear that Xykon was not going to indulge in any biophilia with her, worse luck, and fantasizing about it wasn't going to do her any good.

She hadn't bothered changing out of her nightie, mostly because it was even more heavily enchanted than her corset was, and who the hell cared about AC when Miss Chance is where it's at in combat? Not that she ever intended to let any brawny type with an oversized phallic symbol get close enough to her to risk being hit in the first place. And really, with Fortification, it's a good bet that even the Skank couldn't really do much to her, with even-odds that she'd do minimal damage anyways.

Besides, it was so much fun to taunt the Hobbos, and she was a few HD shy of her Control cap anyways.

A thunderous boom shook the castle grounds and knocked her to her knees from the back blast. Quickly, she started casting Fly… defense first, after all. But a voice behind her called out first…

"Evard's Black Tentacles."
__
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharaoh's Fist
Real optimizers use Samurai*!

*Damn you Shneeky!!!
Joker Bard, the DM's solution to the Batman Wizard.

12-30-2009, 04:36 AM #46
Zanaril
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShneekeyTheLost
Here's a sneak preview of the first portion of my story… the part which can be safely posted to the forums, anyways. Still can't post on FF.net until tomorrow.
*rubs hands gleefully*

And I'll try to get this drawing finished in the meantime.
__

Spoiler

12-30-2009, 04:36 AM #47
Asta Kask
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Water-Smurf
Oh God, my head hurts like hell…

*rubs head*
Bah! This is how we drink in Sweden!

*downs first drink*

"Well, that didn't have any effect."

*downs second drink*

"Well, that didn't have any effect."

*downs third drink*

"Well, that didn't have any effect."

*feels the effect of the first drink*

"Okay, just one more."

*downs fourth drink*

*drinks, two, three, and four start taking effect*

"Oh my… how could I become so drunk by only taking one more drink.

*keels over*
__
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dara O'Briain
“Well, science doesn’t know everything.” Well, science knows it doesn’t know everything, otherwise it would stop … But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairytale most appeals to you.”
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded.

Mother Hen of the Crack Pairings Thread

12-30-2009, 08:03 AM #48
CoffeeIncluded
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
*Grins evilly* Good work everyone!
__
My webcomic!

12-30-2009, 09:34 AM #49
Meg
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathander
Any criticism/thoughts would be welcome. :D
Awesome. That is my thought.
__

…And that is how I met your father.

That's my dragon egg. Wanna argue about it?

Avatar by me. Also, if we go anywhere together, you're walking in front of me.

12-30-2009, 10:14 AM #50
silversaraph
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
So I'm relooking at all of the fanart for the thread. I find it creepy how 4/5 of them have Vaarsuvius as the focus. A+V, B+V, AB+V… Though a chart has been made about that, so It's not really my territory…

I want to try my hand at writing and if possible something easy without looking horrible (the dream!). Can someone roll up a sort-of plausible pairing for me?

But don't make it something with a lot of promise because I can guarantee you'd be disappointed.
__
Quote:
Originally Posted by silversaraph
And then the reverse-reverse happens. And then the universe implodes and creates a gigantic black hole. The end.
Spoiler
Last edited by silversaraph : 12-30-2009 at 10:15 AM.

12-30-2009, 10:20 AM #51
Meg
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
*whips out roller*

Mr Scruffy + (Gender-switched Lord Shojo)
Kidnapped (By somebody inside or outside of the pairing)

Xykon's zombie dragon head + O-Chul
In the afterlife

Teevo + The chimera
American high school setting

Nale + Windstriker
Snowed in

(Gender-switched Belkar) + (Gender-switched Kazumi)
Pink frills and white lace

The dragon's hoard + Hieronymus Grubwiggler
Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)

I think it's broken.
__

…And that is how I met your father.

That's my dragon egg. Wanna argue about it?

Avatar by me. Also, if we go anywhere together, you're walking in front of me.

12-30-2009, 10:21 AM #52
martinkou
Dwarf in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by silversaraph
So I'm relooking at all of the fanart for the thread. I find it creepy how 4/5 of them have Vaarsuvius as the focus. A+V, B+V, AB+V… Though a chart has been made about that, so It's not really my territory…

I want to try my hand at writing and if possible something easy without looking horrible (the dream!). Can someone roll up a sort-of plausible pairing for me?

But don't make it something with a lot of promise because I can guarantee you'd be disappointed.
V is always fun because "it" acts like a male but looks like a female.

12-30-2009, 10:21 AM #53
ShinyDelusion
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Wonderful chapter, Nathander! It feels like this is where the story's really starting to take off. Nice cliff-hanger too; is Soon an illusion? A ghost? A hallucination that shows that Miko's really coming unhinged? And what will he say to her? I hope to find out soon!

Ooo, Shneeky, the teaser is definitely getting my attention. Can't wait to read the rest of it!

And now, the crossover you've all (well, probably mostly Coffee, actually) been waiting for: I bring you *drumroll* BelkarxMatt!

Starts immediately after the latest installment (9) of Murhpy's Law.

Spoiler

“Went down your—” Lloyd began to say.

“And that is all I’m going to say about it,” Matt cut him off flatly.

“Whatever,” said Lloyd, looking at Matt’s weasel-inflicted wounds critically, “You should probably go get Janine to heal you.”

“Can’t paladins heal?” Matt asked, not sure where Janine was and in no mood to search for her while every scratch on his body was still smarting.

“The technique’s called ‘Lay on Hands’,” Lloyd replied neutrally.

“Oh,” said Matt. A few seconds of silence passed. “This sucks,” he added in a grumble.

“More than max security?” Lloyd asked as a reminder.

“No,” said Matt darkly, staring broodingly into the middle distance.

—-

It was two years ago, back when he was just learning how to get away with things and had recently tried to put a red streak in his hair. The hair was a minor fiasco—he’d bleached first and the red dye wasn’t strong enough, leaving the streak an embarrassingly pretty purplish pink; maybe he should try blue next time—but he was getting to be a really good rogue. Or so he thought.

In retrospect he realized that he probably shouldn’t have been so cocky—after all it was already the sixth time he’d been caught stealing and he’d only been at it a few months—but back in those days he’d felt like he could do anything, like he was untouchable. Sure, he’d gotten thrown in the local jailhouse once or twice, but those cells were a joke; he watched a party full of Level 2 adventures with not a rogue among them break out in ten minutes flat once. Of course, those were the lowest security cells, not max. He didn’t know yet that when they threw you in max, you weren’t getting yourself out any time soon unless you were epic level or something.

That day, the day he got caught for the sixth time, they threw him in max.

“I really am sorry, kid,” the warden had told him grimly, “But today we got three adventuring parties filled with chaotic types who thought they’d found the second easiest way to get some extra gps; the cells are packed, so you’re going to have to go in max.”

“Whatever,” Matt muttered.

A little annoyed by the boy’s indifference, the warden added, “Just so you know, your cell mate got life for massacring a relatively peaceful group of kobold merchants for the XP and…” He gulped. “Accessorizing opportunities.”

“Whatever,” Matt repeated. Wait a minute, what about accessorizing?

“He gets violent when we try to remove things from his cell,” he went on, now honestly angered by the boy’s lack of interest, “Such as the beheaded corpses of former cell mates…”

“What do you mean—” Matt began to ask, a little panicked, before regaining his cool. “You’re making that up just to scare me.”

“If only,” the warden said with a sigh, “I suggest you just try to have a conversation with him; some say the solitude’s made him snap. Ah, here we are.”

At first Matt thought his cellmate was a kobold. Then, gagging, he realized what the warden had meant by “accessorizing opportunities”.

“How’s it going, Killer?” the warden asked with false joviality.

Clutching a human skull pointed at the warden, the filthy Halfling shrieked, “Fireball! Fireball now, or I’ll give you something to Fear you worthless undead piece of crap!”

“This is your new roomie!” the warden continued, forcing himself to smile in the hope that the Halfling would calm down, “His name is Matthew Silver.”

Matt was too terrified to correct him.

While the Halfling did something partially hidden but, Matt feared, definitely obscene to the skull that wouldn’t obey his commands, the warden very quickly unlocked the cell, shoved Matt in, and relocked it.

“I really am sorry,” the warden told Matt again, “If one of those parties breaks out, I’ll get you out of here pronto, but…” He glanced at the Halfling. “It’d be a lie to tell you anything but this: From here it can only get worse.”

He left Matt alone with this thought. And the delusional, psychopathic Halfling.

It took several minutes for the Halfling to get bored with… what he was doing with the skull, but once he did, he took an immediate interest in Matt.

“You don’t look like max security material,” he told the boy smugly, “I guess without the Belkster out there to show ‘em how it’s done, the standards are dropping.”

Matt could manage nothing but a deer-in-the-headlights expression. At this point he was so scared he was barely even breathing.

To his wide-eyed horror, the Halfling began to approach him, picking up a severed head that was lying on the floor by its silvery hair on the way.

“Let’s get a few things straight,” the murderer said, “When they bring the grub in, your plate goes to Mr. Scruffy.” He began stroking the hair on the head affectionately. “Of course none of the stuff here’s good enough for his carnivore tastes, but he’s gotta eat eventually, and when he finally gets hungry enough, he is not going to starve on your account. Got it, wuss?”

Matt managed a nod. Living to see suppertime would be blessing enough. Glances around the room had let him count six different heads, and worryingly he’d only been able to spot four of the respective bodies…

“You really are a wuss, you know? You really shouldn’t be here…” As if too distracted by this revelation to hold his concentration on other things, the Halfling dropped the head known as “Mr. Scruffy.” He stared at Matt. For a long time.

“Aha!” Before Matt had time to realize anything was happening, the Halfling had him pinned to the ground and was yanking on a lock of his hair.

“Thought you could get a way with that?” the Halfling raved. The hand that wasn’t gripping Matt’s hair began fishing around in his grubby pockets for something. “Oh… I’ll do you for that, you androgynous twit…”

“Wh-what?!” Matt sputtered. Through the haze of pain the hair-pulling was spreading through his skull, he thought that the victimized hair might be that stupid attempt at a red streak, not that that was even remotely important right now…

“Come off it, Ears,” the lunatic snapped, yanking what appeared to be a sharpened spoon out of his pocket, “Your friggin’ lame disguise has failed epicly.” His eyes gleamed. “Then again, you always were one for epic failure, weren’t ya, pal?”

“What are you talking about?” Matt asked desperately. And, what did he mean by “Ears”? His voice now laced with disgust, he added, “You think I’m an elf?”

“I said come off it,” the Halfling repeated sharply. Then, to Matt’s surprise, he let go of his hair and his expression softened. “I guess I should’ve stopped bringing it up, after you told us everything that happened, but it was just too good; you finally admitted you screwed up.”

“Oh, I see,” Matt snarled, “An arrogant prick of an elf. Why you—”

“It was worth it, too,” the Halfling continued, now mostly ignoring Matt, “When you just kept blowing stuff up, especially when Roy was throwing hissy fits all the time because we wouldn’t knock it off. But then,” now his face flushed with rage, “You frickin’ set me up in this dump of a town with a frickin’ epic level prison!” He refocused his gaze on Matt. “And of course you had to come back and gloat,” he added, his voice cold.

“Dude,” said Matt, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, and I’m not an elf! I hate elves!”

“Nice try, Ears,” said the Halfling, “But you really should have chosen a disguise that looked like it actually belonged in max security.” With a disturbing suddenness, the Halfling grinned. “Since you obviously can’t break out of this cell anymore than I can… Do you know what they do to pretty, purple-haired little elf-boys like you in prison, Vaarsuvius?”

“It’s Matt,” Matt spat, but his face was paling.

Brandishing the lethally sharp spoon, the madman said, “Because I’m about to show you.”

—-

One of the adventuring parties did break out eventually, and the warden came to move Matt to another cell as he promised, in the nick of time, at that. Whenever Matt looked back on the whole incident (usually after waking up from a graphic nightmare) he shuddered to think what might have happened had he been left in there longer, but nonetheless wished that he could have been moved sooner.

In the weeks following his stay in prison Matt improved as a rogue very quickly. Before it’d been all about the loot but now he’d learned to focus on not getting caught. He decided he was never going to prison again and would do whatever it took to stay out of maximum security.

—-

“Did you just have a flashback?” Lloyd asked Matt accusingly.

“Yeah,” said Matt, “Got a problem with that?”

“I’m the main character and I’ve already hinted at a dark and interesting backstory,” Lloyd said hotly, “I’m supposed to get the first flashback!”

Matt smirked. From here it could only get better.

Personally, I don't think Lloyd should complain; examining the first few lines and considering that this is the Crack Pairings Thread, that conversation could've gone in a completely different direction…

On an unrelated note, when I looked at the thread today I was a little sleepy and read the roman numeral V as the letter V, thinking, well, at least we're honest about what we're writing about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by silversaraph
So I'm relooking at all of the fanart for the thread. I find it creepy how 4/5 of them have Vaarsuvius as the focus. A+V, B+V, AB+V… Though a chart has been made about that, so It's not really my territory…

I want to try my hand at writing and if possible something easy without looking horrible (the dream!). Can someone roll up a sort-of plausible pairing for me?

But don't make it something with a lot of promise because I can guarantee you'd be disappointed.
I don't know how long it would take to actually roll something plausible, but, as far as just giving you a random but doable pairing goes… You could try Sabine with any other character you feel like, since, well, she would. Or how about TsukikoxXykon? I know it's not exactly crack, but, sadly, it's not canon either. One time I got a really vauge idea for a DurkonxMiko fic about the real reason he was the only one in the Order who wasn't resisting. I forgot about it, so you can try it if you want.

12-30-2009, 10:24 AM #54
Asta Kask
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location:
Gothenburg, Sweden
Gender:
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by silversaraph
I want to try my hand at writing and if possible something easy without looking horrible (the dream!). Can someone roll up a sort-of plausible pairing for me?
Roy + Miko? Apparently Miko was first intended until as a romantic foil for Roy, but as Rich was writing her she evolved into the paladin we all know and… know.
__
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dara O'Briain
“Well, science doesn’t know everything.” Well, science knows it doesn’t know everything, otherwise it would stop … But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairytale most appeals to you.”
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded.

Mother Hen of the Crack Pairings Thread

12-30-2009, 10:31 AM #55
CoffeeIncluded
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location:
New York
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion
Wonderful chapter, Nathander! It feels like this is where the story's really starting to take off. Nice cliff-hanger too; is Soon an illusion? A ghost? A hallucination that shows that Miko's really coming unhinged? And what will he say to her? I hope to find out soon!

Ooo, Shneeky, the teaser is definitely getting my attention. Can't wait to read the rest of it!

And now, the crossover you've all (well, probably mostly Coffee, actually) been waiting for: I bring you *drumroll* BelkarxMatt!

Starts immediately after the latest installment (9) of Murhpy's Law.

Spoiler

Personally, I don't think Lloyd should complain; examining the first few lines and considering that this is the Crack Pairings Thread, that conversation could've gone in a completely different direction…

………
……………..

I love you and you partially ninjaed the canon. The first part of the story did anyway.

Please post it on the actual comic thread.
__
My webcomic!

Last edited by CoffeeIncluded : 12-30-2009 at 10:32 AM.

12-30-2009, 10:34 AM #56
ShinyDelusion
Orc in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded

………
……………..

I love you and you partially ninjaed the canon. The first part of the story did anyway.

Please post it on the actual comic thread.
Yay!

So… May I ask what I partially ninja'd?

And now it's over there too.
Last edited by ShinyDelusion : 12-30-2009 at 10:40 AM.

12-30-2009, 10:45 AM #57
CoffeeIncluded
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion
Yay!

So… May I ask what I partially ninja'd?

And now it's over there too.
The very first bit. With Matt and Lloyd.
__
My webcomic!

12-30-2009, 10:46 AM #58
ShinyDelusion
Orc in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded
The very first bit. With Matt and Lloyd.
The "Lay on Hands" awkwardness, I presume?

12-30-2009, 10:50 AM #59
CoffeeIncluded
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location:
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion
The "Lay on Hands" awkwardness, I presume?
Yep!
__
My webcomic!

12-30-2009, 11:04 AM #60
Zanaril
Ogre in the Playground

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location:
England
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion
And now, the crossover you've all (well, probably mostly Coffee, actually) been waiting for: I bring you *drumroll* BelkarxMatt!

Starts immediately after the latest installment (9) of Murhpy's Law.

That was amusing… but also makes me hope nobody ever gets stuck in the same cell as Belkar. Especially Vaarsuvius.

*shudders*

Although knowing crack ficcers, it's inevitable that somebody's eventually going to write a darkfic where exactly that happens.
__

Spoiler
Last edited by Zanaril : 12-30-2009 at 11:06 AM.

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