Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill awoke slowly, blinking his bleary eyes. He seemed to be on a beach, though which beach it was difficult to say. Wherever he was it certainly wasn't beloved England. There were no signs of habitation. Grumbling in protest, he pushed himself to his feet, taking his cane he began to walk down.
"There he is." said a voice, somehow deep and whiny all at once. "Oh Titans no, this isn't right. I shoulda stuck with that boopin idiot I got before."
"What do you mean?" Churchill asked, staring around in shock, then finally looking down to see a round faced man staring up at him. The man was dressed in antique amour, strangely colored, and clutching a gigantic toy hammer. At first he took him to be a child, then some sort of dwarf, but he noted the proportions were all wrong. What was this person?
"I mean, I shoulda got the best casters eva, and the best general too. Instead I get a…"
"Who the devil are you?" Churchill explained, his face contorting in shock.
To his surprise, the small man (if that's what he was)
smiled in a way vaguely reminiscent of a predetor.
"I'm the one who'll you'll be taking orders from." He sneered. The effect was rather ruined by a few pops behind him.
The fist figure to appear was a gawky kin, skinny and untidy with a prominent scar on his forehead and what appeared to be a dress. The next was a tall, white haired man, golden skinned and dressed in a black velvet robe vaguely reminiscent of a friar.
"Damn it! I knew we should have tried broomsticks! Now what… Where am I."
The golden skin man turned to look at the boy who spoke. "I was hoping you could tell me. It's just as well I wasn't hoping very hard, judging by the look of you."
The short man's grin was beginning to slide. They looked like casters, but he didn't see any stats…
"Hey! I'll have you know that…"
"Shut up." The man in the robes hissed, and the boys protestations vanished.
Stanley shrugged. He'd make do.
"Right. I'm your boss, you work for me. First step is getting back to…"
The man in the robe glared at him, his eyes widening so alarmingly Stanley felt his mouth dry.
"Do not presume to consider me your equal."
Stanley nodded, gulping.
"So why are we flying, boss?"
"While Redcloak pulls his head out of his arse and starts being useful, I'm going to track down that bloody elf and knock it down. Then I am going to kill it's family, everyone it ever cared about and drown it in their blood. Then I'll reanimate so I can do it again. Then I'll summon a demon so it can invent new ways of causing pain so I can try it out on the Paladin."
Tsukiko's eyes were clouding with something, and her lips were parted. She licked them a few times, but seemed enraptured to the lich's every word.
"And then," Xykon continued, seemingly unaware as they flew towards the signal "I'm going to get started on the good stuff."
"So I am to understand that you tried to get the perfect leader and caster combination to win a war of some sort? Using magic?" Churchill said. He wanted to protest that magic did not exist, but was enough a realist to know that what be pointless and not helpful.
"Well send me back." The dark robed man hissed.
Stanley shook his head. "Hey, wherever the hell I am, it's not Efdup. I don't even know how to get myself back."
The boy opened his mouth to speak, but the black robed man silenced him with a glare.
"Hello, any chance you could give me directions?" Said a pleasantly tenor voice. "An attractive man walked towards the group, his skin glimmering as though he had hundreds of crystals embedded in his skin.
"Great." Stanley said, rubbing his brow. "Another stupid one."
"Hinjo, who are those people on the beach?" Asked Lien. She was wearing the one outfit that had remained in her cabin, a french maid outfit.
Hinjo shrugged. He had oficially given up trying to make sense of the world. All he'd wanted in life was to be given the opportunity to rule the city as his uncle had, but had been pushed from occurrence to occurrence until he'd given up.
"I don't know." He admitted. "But we should probably find out."
"Ooooh, dibs on the sparkley one."
"Too bad. Their all mine."
With that Xykon landed amidst the gathered crowd, his hands flaring up with dark energy. "Right. I don't kow who you are, nor do I care. But there is only one way this is going down, and…" He was interrupted by the boy, who drew a short stick and said in a clear, ringing voice "Stupefy.
The stick emitted a beam of pure energy that bounced harmlessly of the lich's skull. "Right. For that I'm going to stick your little toy where the sun don't shine." Xykon growled, advancing on Harry, who quickly backed away.
Lien took Hinjo's spare katana and advanced on the skeletal sorcerer, only to find herself yanked behind by a strong hand. "With hat." whispered a bald, mustachioed man "all things are possible. Hate, and the blessings of dark gods of vengeance!"
Stanley laughed insanely and brandished his toy hammer.
Finally Raistlin could take it no more. "Epic Permanent Mass dominate monster." He said. Every one stopped and looked at him. "Do something equally pathetic." He snarled.
With that they all began fondling and touching each other. Raistlin shook his head and started to walk away. Pathetic.
Edward ran. He'd been running since the skeleton had arrived. He had to get out of this, this…
"Hi." Said a voice, and he felt a delicate hand slap him on the bum. "Your cute. Lets play." He turned to see a dark clad girl around Bella's age, with pigtails, a delicate face, a slim, almost boyish build who was wiggling her hips suggestively.
He flushed. "I'm… I'm sorry, but you see I'm kind of, kind…"
"Oh, your making a mistake, that wasn't a request." he girl said. Her eyes glowed. "Dominate person."
Harry felt Stanley crawling on top of him and starting to kiss him. Stanley started to kiss down along his jawline, and he soon got down to his neck. He started to bite and suck on one particular spot, and it made Harry moan. Stanley knew how to make the man beg, and he fully intended to do it. He loved having power over other people. He loved controling every aspect of their life. And he especially loved marking them as his property, via actualities, intimidation, or, failing that, the hickeys and love bites that he gave him.
He kept sucking and biting on one spot until he had made a fairly big bruise there. He looked down at it and smiled. He licked it once more before he moved back up to his mouth to give him a forceful kiss. He bit Harry's tongue as it slithered into his mouth, and the wizard gave a moan as his hands searched for the clasps in Stanley's amour. At last finding them he released the clasps, running his fingers through the man's hairy chest, delighting at the feel.
Off to the side, Hinjo and the chief of Police were pawing at each others clothing, the older man rubbing his hands on the lean muscles on Hinjo's torso. The chief of police tasted of smoke and sweat and beer, while Hinjo was like fine southern wine. Nibbling on his lovers lower lip The older man started to leave scratch marks down Hinjo's back as he tried to pull him closer, his hips bucking unconsciously. The Police chief began to slide his hand lower.
Lien shrieked and moaned in a bizarre parody of lust as Xykon puppeted her body, his mastery over magic more then offsetting his lack of physical capabilities. Surprisingly, he was enjoying this. When the spell wore off he and Tsukiko would have a lot to talk about. If, you know, they found time to talk. Lien shrieked as she climaxed again, and was panting heavily, but Xykon would not relent. Manipulating her through the motions again and again.
Raistlin looked up. They were disrupting him again. Fine, he didn't care. He didn't need to save his magic anymore, did he? Calling down fire from the sky he left them to burn to death, leaving only charred ashes behind.
Tsukiko was glaring at the vampire, who had a sheepish expression on his face. "Come on. That was like twenty seconds. What the hell. Have you ever done this before?"
"Ah… I have now?"
"You are the biggest disgrace to your species." She sneered. "Cure serious wounds."
Edward collapsed into dust.
"Tsukiko?" Said Xykon, his bones blackened and his robes burned off his body. "We need to talk."