Coffee sat in a corner of the fiction section of the library, working on her physics homework with a stack of books beside her. Her content expression quickly turned to one of frustration, then anger as she couldn't work out the problem. Finally, with a scream and a curse, she chucked the textbook in a random direction.

She then heard a THWUNK, a muffled yelp, and a shout of, "What in the infernal hells just threw a book at me?!"

Coffee felt a sinking feeling. She got up and went over to where the sound came from. "Uh, l-listen, I…I'm really sorry about that and it was an accident and…Why are you shelving my physics textbook in the fiction section? And…Uh, there was an anime convention in the city today?" It was the only logical explanation; the person (Male? Female?) in front of her had a red (Dress? Robe?) and violet hair. Nice dye job too…

In fact…

"Say, do you…Uh, do you know what the Order of the Stick is?"

The person in front of her looked up sharply. "We are well known here?"

Coffee started to laugh. "Look, I know you must have won for life with that Vaarusvius cosplay, but we're in the library; you can drop the act now."

The person looked at Coffee. "Cosplay? What does that term mean? I am Vaarsuvius, evoker and bender of reality itself!"

At this point Coffee was strongly considering the idea of going home and going to sleep and making a special appointment with the doctor tomorrow.

"You do not believe me?" Coffee shook her head as the person continued. "Well then. Prestidigitation!"

Coffee looked down and jumped back in shock. Her previously white sneakers had just turned pink. "So…You're…VAARSUVIUS?! …But how?"

"If I told you, you would go mad from attempting to understand."

Coffee smirked. "Try me," she said.

Coffee stopped Vaarsuvius half-way through the elf's (Wow…She actually said "Elf". This day…) explanation. "Okay, okay. I think I understood half of that."

Vaarsuvius glanced at Coffee curiously. "Really? …Not bad for one untrained in the arcane arts."

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Then Coffee spoke up "Uh…Listen…So…You can violate the laws of Physics on a regular basis"

Vaarsuvius smiled. "The laws of physics bow to a master wizard."

Coffee stared at Vaarsuvius for a moment, then fell on her knees and begged, "Please! Teach me to be a wizard! Even if I can only manage cantrips, PLEASE TEACH ME!!!"

V looked at Coffee. "…You are not unintelligent, and I have nothing better to do. I may be able to show you the basics, but it takes years, nay, decades of study."

"I'm devoted! I'm devoted!"

V looked at Coffee curiously. She reminded the elf of an intelligent Elan. V sighed. "Well, we should try this outside."


Once outside, Coffee listened to V's lecture as shes twisted and played with the beaded headband in her pocketbook, a nervous habit of hers. V looked back and swallowed as the elf noticed Coffee unconsciously twisting the headband around her fingers in oddly intricate patterns. Such deft fingers…

"…Coffee?" the elf asked. "There is a matter of payment."

"Oh, oh okay." Coffee rummaged through her purse. "Uhm, I only have $40 with me. Unless you'd like food? Or—"

"No no no. I have a simple request." V blushed slightly and indicated hir pointed ears. "As you may have already surmised, these get especially itchy in hot and cold weather. Furthermore, I am unable to reach all the troublesome spots. If it is not too much to ask…Would you please reach them for me?"

That was it? Coffee smiled. "Like a dog, you mean?"

"…In a way, yes."

It was just a scratch behind the ears…Right? Coffee nodded. "Okay."

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