Inkyrius/Belkar

"I can't believe there's actually entertainment in this dump of an inn."

"I personally find it hard to believe that you consider 'karaoke night' as a legitimate form of entertainment," Vaarsuvius muttered, shuddering against the taste of the most pathetic excuse for "fine elven wine" that the elf had ever encountered.

"Oh come on, V! Let's have some fun!" Elan waved his hands in the air while shouting excitedly, "Ooh! Ooh! Me next! Me next!"

The last guy drunkenly stumbled off the raised platform; the people in the bar were unsure whether to laugh at him or to boo at him. Compared to Mr. So-Drunk-He-Doesn't-Even-Know-What-A-"Tune"-Is, Elan was a veritable rock star with his mandolin, his admittedly charming, well-pitched voice, and his flair for the dramatic. Almost three-quarters of the audience (Not counting the ones who were on the verge of an alcohol-induced blackout) cheered for him afterwards.

"Oh man, I've got a good one. Next up is the Belkster!" After a few minutes of fumbling with the mike so it would reach him, Belkar introduced the song by saying, "This actually happened to me a few years back. I was sitting in a backwater tavern (like this one), and…" He began to sing, changing the lyrics to fit his situation.

"I met her in a club down in Old Elfland
where you drink elven wine and it tastes just like booze and cola
C-O-L-A Cola.

She walked up to me and she asked me to dance.
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Kyrie"
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

Well, I may be the world's most physical guy,
but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

Well, we drank elven wine and danced all night,
under electric candlelight,
she picked me up and sat me on her knee,
She said, "Little boy won't you come home with me?"

Well, I'm not the world's most self-restrained guy,
and when I looked in her eyes,
I went and fell for my Kyrie,
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

I pushed her away. I walked to the door.
I fell to the floor. I got down on my knees.
I looked at her, and she at me.

Well that's the way that I want it to stay.
I always want it to be that way for my Kyrie.
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
except for Kyrie. IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

Well I left home just a few months before,
and I never kissed a woman like that before,
Kyrie smiled and took me by the hand,
she said, "Little boy, gonna make you a man."

Well I may be the world's most masculine man,
so I know what I am and that I'm a man,
so is Kyrie.
IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, " Belkar grinned, "Thank you! Thank you! My room is 216, bring a girlfriend!"

"…"

Some people laughed. Some people cheered. Some people stared. But most of the people in the audience were busy forcibly restraining an infuriated, berserking, beyond-enraged Vaarsuvius from blasting Belkar into a fine mist of blood and bone matter right then and there.

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