Mr. Scruffy/Vaarsuvius

Belkar didn't know this, but Mr. Scruffy rarely spent the whole night sleeping in Belkar's tent. He much preferred to walk around and stalk mice under the night sky. He particularly enjoyed doing this in the desert; the night air was much more refreshing than the burning sun. And desert voles were fun to chase.

This night, however, Mr. Scruffy felt like exploring. He eventually wandered into the elf's tent, where for some reason the elf had decided to rest on the floor that night. The cat was curious. Belkar seemed to harbor a particular animosity towards the elf, and the elfV, Mr. Scruffy believed the elf was calledfelt the same towards him. Mr. Scruffy didn't quite understand this. Sure, the elfVwas somewhat aloof and never gave him the string on hir robe to play with, but he rather liked V regardless. The elf was…Catlike, with that aloof, "I'll deal with you when I feel like it" attitude, and hir natural elven grace.

And those ears. They were pointy and stuck out in a funny way, one more than the other. Mr. Scruffy laughed to himself. They always looked like they'd be so much fun to play with, but he never got the chance. Until now, that is…

Mr. Scruffy was never known for his patience. He climbed up V and started batting at hir ears, purring as he nipped at them and batted them between his paws. This was so much fun!

Unfortunately for Mr. Scruffy, he did not know that elf ears are a notorious erogenous zone.

V flushed and muttered something incomprehensible; in fact it was a very fast murmur in Elven. Hir trance abruptly shifted to an extremely passionate night that was spent with Kyrie early in their marriage, which became more and more detailed as Mr. Scruffy kept using hir ears as a toy. V actually started purring in contentment. Mr. Scruffy stopped for a second and stared at the trancing, blushing elf for a moment. He then resumed playing with and grooming with V's ears, laughing to himself. It was like a huge box of fun new toys!

Then V rolled over and grabbed Mr. Scruffy, murmuring something about Kyrie and "Knowing just what turns me into putty", and things went south for the cat very quickly.

Belkar heard Mr. Scruffy's loud yowling and shrieking and bolted out of bed. He realized that it was coming from V's tent. He grabbed his daggers and dashed into hir tent, screaming, "V, I swear if you're hurting Mr. Scruffy, I'm gonna slice your throat and—"

He broke off abruptly and stared at the ongoing scene, his mouth open in abject horror. Then, finally,


The following morning involved a lot of screaming, arguing, and humiliation from the entire Order.

"What the hell were you doing to Mr. Scruffy, V?! What, is your Wif…Hus…Your spouse not enough for you?!"

"As I have said before, what I did was inappropriate and I apologize, but I could not help it! Elven ears are notoriously sensitive and I was trancing at the time! It was an instinctive response! You would achieve the same reaction if, say, Elan were to sneak into Haley's tent while she was asleep, pull down her pants and—"

"V, stop now before I blow our entire budget on potions of Remove (Mental Image)."

"That STILL doesn't change the fact that YOU WERE NAILING MR. SCRUFFY!!!"

"Elan, actually, do you think you could try what V suggested sometime? It sounds pretty hot."

"V, where's the potion shop?"

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