Doliest looked around, staring at the snow covered clouds glistening in the non-existant sunlight. He stared around for a while before saying, “So there is an afterlife huh? Okay this disproves my atheism, but if there is an afterlife then how did I end up in the good place? Or was Dante right and I’m just going to slowly freeze but never die?”

“Neither, my love!” Doliest turned around to see a pale cloaked figure walking towards him.

“Who exactly are you, and why are you professing your love to me like this is some poorly-written fanfic?” Doliest called back, slowly backing away from an oncoming figure.

“My name is, Dracula, and you are my one and only love. You were sentenced to the pits but I could not allow my love to rot in such a terrible place so I saved you.” The self-proclaimed Dracula said with a now obvious Hungarian accent.

“No offense but I’m not gay, I mean at all.” Doliest replied looking around desperately for a weapon, any weapon to fight off the oncoming vampire.

“Don’t worry my love, you shall learn.” Dracula said, now looming over Doliest face-to-face. Dracula continued to stare down at Doliest for a few more moments before bending down and biting him on the neck. Doliest struggled against the vampire, but he felt the vampire’s saliva dripping into his blood carrying with it the vampire’s curse and his power. As it continued Doliest began to lose sight of why he was struggling and even stopped and noticed that the snow made Dracula look ever so elegant. He shook his head, ’NO! I don’t like men, vampires, or Edward Cullen! I can’t go out like this!’ Doliest pushed Dracula away, stumbling for a few more steps before falling face-flat into the snow.

His last audible words before Dracula descended on him to finish what he had started where, “So turns out Dante was wrong, Hell is actually being molested by vampires, who knew?”

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