One day Chief Grukgruk, the Orc who'd helped to lead his people into the comedic glory of Giggles the Puppet-god of Slapstick, recieved a letter. Luckily, it had been written with very simple grammar and lots of stick figures, so he got the gist of it. Apparently, Lord Hinjo, the man who's underlings had helped bring Chief Grukgruk's tribe out of their ignorant worship of Banjo, had invited Chief Grukgruk to his kingdom as a sign of good will between their kingdoms. Lord Shinjo believed that they would make better allies than enemies… and plus there would be pie. Chief Grukgruk could not argue with pie. (Giggles forbid arguing with pie, after all…)
At some indeterminable point in time later, Chief Grukgruk, Shaman Vurkle, and a few other orcs wearing orange and red robes found themselves in the court of Lord Shinjo. While Lord Shinjo was seated in the center of the room, several other people were sitting around the sides of room, including several humans that looked oddly familiar. (Order of the Stick is there to say hi…) Chief Grukgruk let Shaman Vurkle do all the talking for two reasons - 1, Vurkle was a Shaman, and Shinjo was a Paladin, so Chief Grukgruk assumed they'd understand each other a bit better since they were both religious guys. 2, the raven-haired noblewoman (Kazumi) standing in one corner of the room looked really, really hot. Chief Grukgruk began to make small steps to the side, slowly creeping across the room and over to the lady who'd caught his eyes.
"Hi, my name Chief Grukgruk. What your name?" Chief Grukgruk introduced himself with a small bow, which made the bones atop his head rattle.
"Kazumi Kato…" the noblewoman replied, wincing from the aura of stank that permeated the air around Chief Grukgruk.
"Kazumi Kato," Chief Grukgruk grinned stupidly, Chief Grukgruk thinks he's in love.
Dead silence followed, naturally. Kazumi's expression was one of shock, Lord Shinjo stopped talking and stared in confusion, and the Order of the Stick began to place bets on amongst themselves on how this would turn out. Everyone except for Haley, of course… She just sat there, mouth agape. Finally, Shaman Vurkle broke the silence. Hurray! Shaman Vurkle finally gets to do marriage rites of Giggles! He took long time to write them in way that properly shows love of Giggles in the happy union. Somebody go get slapping sticks!"
"Marriage?!" Kazumi gasped, taking a step back. "I- Uh… I don't think my husband Daigo would like that very much!" (Daigo was not there, since he was off taking care of the future air of House Kato…)
"Daigo? Why that name sound familair?" Chief Grukgruk scratched his green chin in confusion.
"That scrawny guy we tried to sacrifice to Banjo, in our ignorance…" Shaman Vurkle interjected.
"Ah, fond memories…" Elan sighed from beside Haley, who was still staring with her mouth open in shock.
"Ah. Right. Yeah, Chief Grukgruk take good care of you if you be his wife. You much better off with Chief Grukgruk!" the Chief exclaimed triumphantly.
"No she's not!" Haley's voice suddenly filled the court of Lord Hinjo.
"She's not?" a chorus of confused voices answered back.
"No, she's not!" Haley snarled, jumping up onto the table the Order of the Stick was seated at. "And Chief Grukgruk wouldn't be better off with her!"
"Who he better off with, then?" Chief Grukgruk cocked his head to the side, rattling his bone hat yet again.
"ME!!" Haley yelled, pointing at herself. "Don't you remember me?! Try to imagine me with long hair, instead of this haircut…"
Chief Grukgruk gasped. He began to experience a flashback, remembering many years ago when a merchant ship had stopped by his island to trade goods with his people. He recalled a young woman who'd snuck off the ship and plundered his camp, stealing many things from him… including his heart. In the few days the ship's crew was on the island, Chief Grukgruk and the thief had grown very close… and had even fallen in love. But alas, the woman had to leave with the ship, for she had a mission in her life that still required completing. But she'd promised that one day, they be re-united… and they could share their true love yet again. And since the day he'd watched that ship dissappear over the horizon, Chief Grukgruk had looked forward to the day he'd see Haley Starshine again. "H-Haley?! Chief Grukgruk not believe it!" the Chief exclaimed as he began to ran towards the table.
"You'd better believe it!" Haley yelled, leaping off the table and into Chief Grukgruk's awaiting arms. "So if anybody is getting married, its us!"
"Fine by me!" Chief Grukgruk grinned. "Shaman Vurkle, fetch the slapping sticks! You has marriage to do!"
"Yaaaaaay! Shaman Vurkle exclaimed, waving his arms in the air.
"WAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Elan wailed, his tear-drenched face collapsing into his hands. "WAAAAAHH!!"
"There, there, lad…" Durkon patted the Bard on the back. "Aye, too, have known tha stinging pain of heartbreak…"
"Its not that!" wailed Elan. "Its just… That was such an epic plot twist! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!! BUHWUHAHAHAH….."
"Riiiiight…" Durkon blinked confusedly.
"So now that Haley's left you, who you gonna play the hero for now?" Belkar arched an eyebrow. "The only other chick who's ever had the hots for you was that half-Orc ninja you told us about…"
"Oh, you mean Therkla?" Shaman Vurkle suddenly asked. "Giggles showed Shaman Vurkle the wonders of resurrection. Very handy when worship services include mass beatings…"
"Sooo…" Elan suddenly looked up from his tear-fest, a confused look on his face. "What you're saying is-"
Elan was interupted by an orange and red robed Orc looming up from nowhere behind him. The orc suddenly threw back the hood of its robe, revealing Therkla. "So what was that you wrote about an awesome girlfriend on my tombstone?"
"Shaman Vurkle!" Elan yelled back to the Orc. "Get more slapping sticks! We're going to have a second wedding!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Xykon suddenly screamed, flailing his arms and legs as he rolled out of his bed and onto the floor. The impact set his left arm skittering across the floor, and Lich panted for breath as he tried to rationalize the nightmare he'd just had. "Pant… pant… pant… Phew… Just a nightmare… Just a nightmare… Phew…"
"Hey boss…" Redcloak suddenly entered Xykon's bedroom, a letter in his hand. "Apparently, we've been invited to a wedding for some Orcs and the Order of the stick…"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!" Xykon screamed, once again flopping out of his bed and onto the floor. This time, both his arms popped out of socket and skidded to opposite sides of the room. "*%@#ING DOUBLE DREAMS!! GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHRRRGGG!!!!"