"This is actually starting to bore me…" Xykon sighed as he watched O-Chul twitch and squirm in a burning room full of acid-spitting, lightning-breathing, spike covered kittens. The fact that the kittens were more focused on playing with the frayed ends of the ropes binding the Paladin, rather than the prisoner himself, didn't add much to the entertainment value. "I need some new ideas…"

"We might be of service…" a voice crooned from behind the Lich. Turning about, Xykon found himself in the company of three red-robed fiends with varying eye colors. "We are the IFCC, and we might have what you're looking for…" the center figure nodded slowly.

"And that would be?" Xykon cocked his skull to the side.

"An unbelievably cruel way of torturing the Paladin you've been using as a torture sponge…" the robed figure on the right clapped its hands together jovially.

"A way you would have never, ever thought of yourself…" the left-hand figure added.

Xykon studied the three fiends for a few seconds, before finally replying. "I'm listening…"


9 months later, Xykon was standing in a hospital, the dark voids that represented his eyes stretched to their limit. He was staring, in what could only be described as horror, through a window into a hospital room. Hideous screams could be heard through the glass - the screams of a man enduring agony that no man before him had ever experienced, and was in no way prepared to endure. Xykon slowly turned around, and just stared at the three red-robed fiends behind him. His jaw worked back and forth, as if he was trying to say words that just wouldn't, or couldn't, form. Finally, he simply shook his head and said, "Wow."

"What?" the center figure asked.

"You… You out-eviled me. I never would have thought of making him pregnant. That didn't even seem physically possible! How on earth did you come up with such a torture method?"

"Um… Chance?" the figure on the left shrugged.

"Yeah… Just pure chance…" the right figures hood nodded vigorously.

"Yes, the Paladin getting pregnant was totally our idea for the torture…" the center figure clapped his hands together.

A few moments of dead silence passed. Finally, Xykon spoke. "Him getting pregnant was just a side effect of what ya'll call torture, wasn't it?"

"…" the three fiends looked back and forth amongst each other. Suddenly, one of them gasped. "Oh would you look at the time, we're late for that… thing!"

"Oh yes, that thing! Lets go!" the right IFCC member exclaimed.

"But I want to see my newborn so-" the left figure started, but both fiends grabbed him before he could finish.

"You can sue for custody later!" growled the center one.

"Lets go!" the right fiend yelped.

And with that, the IFCC vanished. Xykon was left standing there, trying to block out the wailing of whatever had just been born on the other side of the glass. He then looked down at his watch, and began to count down the seconds. "Three, two, one…"


"Gya!" Xykon bolted upright, looking around his room in horror. He then laid back down in his bed, and growled to himself, "I can't wait for these weird dreams to stop…"

"Sir…" Redcloak suddenly entered the room, covered in bandages and nursing a serious black-eye. "The prisoner's…….. spawn…… appears to be teething."

"Hold on a second Redcloak…" Xykon sighed. He then pulled back his sleeve, and began to count down the seconds. "Five, four, three, two, one…"


"Hurk!" Xykon gasped, jolting up in his seat. He'd fallen asleep at his desk again, having once again plotted evil to the point where he'd passed out. The Lich growled to himself, and snarled: "I'm getting tired of these dreams! AND SINCE WHEN AM I PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF SLEEPING?!?"

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