Parody of "My Immortal".

Hi my name is Haley Fireyred Dark’ness Dementia Raven Starshine and I have long firey red hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and black tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Girard Draketooth but I wish I was because he’s a major f***ing hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a thief, and I adventure with a party called Order of the Stick in OOTSverse where I’m the second-in-command . I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking with the Order. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Haley!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Belkar Bitterleaf!

“What’s up Belkar?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

The next day I woke up in my inn room. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, V woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length purple hair with raven black streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Belkar Bitterleaf yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Belkar?” she asked as we went out of the inn room and into the bar room.

“No I so f***ing don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Belkar walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in the town.” he told me.

“Oh. My. F***ing. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.
——On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Belkar was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Belkar!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Haley.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“This fanfic is
And yet you read it
are you some kind of masochist?
Yes. Yes you are.” sang Dorukan (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Dorukan is so ing hot.” I said to Belkar, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Belkar looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Belkar sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Dorukan and he’s going out with Lirian. I f*ing * that little .” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Belkar. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Kraagor and Dorukan for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Belkar and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Belkar didn’t go back into the inn, instead he drove the car into……………………… the desert!

“BELKAR!” I shouted. “What the f*** do you think you are doing?”

Belkar didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the f***ing hell?” I asked angrily.

“Haley?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Belkar leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Belkar kissed me passionately. Belkar climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. (We wer at a oasys lulz) He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to *CENSORED*. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….


It was…………………………………………………….Roy!
——Roy made and Belkar and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Belkar comforted me. When we went back to the inn Roy took us to Eugene and Durkon who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the oasis!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Durkon

“How dare you?” demanded Eugene.

And then Belkar shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Roy and Durkon still looked mad but Eugene said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Belkar and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Haley?” Belkar asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the room and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Belkar was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna stab things with pointy daggers’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the bar room, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black (colord lolz) hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Dorukan. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Elan, although most people call me Banjo these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I have an electric lute.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Belkar came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got noting two do. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Haily isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Belkar and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Banjo. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Belkar. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Belkar. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………


“Oh Belkie, Belkie!” I screamed while getting an *CENSORED* when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Belkar’s arm. It was a black lute with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Banjo!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Belkar pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you f***ing idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Belkar ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in the bar room where Banjo was having a meeting with Durkon and some other people.


Everyone in the room stared at me and then Belkar came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

“Haley, it’s not what you think!” Belkar screamed sadly.

My friend B’loody Celia Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length anti-gothic white hair and opened her blue eyes like sapphire that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Celia was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a fairy but Xykon killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is Haley's friend now. )

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Eugene demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Banjo, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Belkar!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Haley was so mad at me. I had went out with Banjo (I’m bi and so is Haley) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Miko, a stupid preppy er. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

“But I’m not going out with Belkar anymore!” said Banjo.

“Yeah f*ing right! F* off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Oasis where I had lost my virility to Belkar and then I started to bust into tears.

I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Belkar for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Belkar.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a zombie dragon! He didn’t have a nose (basically like everyone in the comic) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Xykon!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Xykon shouted “Hold Person!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Mr. Scruffy!” I shouted at him. Xykon fell of his zombie dragon and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

“Haley.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Banjo Elan!”

I thought about Banjo and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Dorukan. I remembered that Belkar had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Belkar went out with Banjo before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Xykon!” I shouted back.

Xykon gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Belkar!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Xykon got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Banjo, then thou know what will happen to Belkar!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his zombie dragon.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Belkar came into the woods.

“Belkar!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Dorukan and Girard Draketooth.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into the inn together making out.

I was really scared about Zykon all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band The Black Evil Undead Bloodsoaked Sponges. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Banjo, Belkar, Hinjo (although we call him BloodPaladin now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Shojo. Only today Belkar and Banjo were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Belkar was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Banjo was probably watching a depressing movie like Teletubbies. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“Haley! Are you OK?” B’loody Celia asked in a concerted voice.

“What the do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Xykon came and the ing bastard told me to ing kill Elan! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Belkar. But if I don’t kill Elan, then Xykon, will ing kill Belkar!” I burst into tears.
Suddenly Belkar jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you f*ing tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you f*ing poser thief b**ch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Belkar started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Roy walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Haley Belkar has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”

“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Celia tried to comfort me but I told her f*** off and I ran to my room crying myself. Roy chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak (omnomnom) and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so ing depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t ing believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Durkon was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Redcloak was masticating to it! They were sitting on their zombie dragons.

“EW, YOU ING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Banjo ran in.

“Dishintegrate!” he yelled at Durkon and Redcloak pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Durkon and Redcloak a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Roy ran in. “Haley, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Durkon and Redcloak and then he waved his sword and suddenly…

Shojo ran outside on his zombie dragon and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, Shojo? You’re just a little NPC!”

“I MAY BE A NPC….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Durkon said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Roy’s sword had hit him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

Redcloak held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

“Why are you doing this?” Redcloak said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Shojo said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

“Because you’re goffic?” Durkon asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

“Because I LOVE HER!”

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Belgar had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS Shoujo but it was Banjo. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY LUTE HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my E-Lute turned back into an accoustic one!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a accoustic lute anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but BloodPaladin changed it into an electric one for me.” he said back. “Anyway my lute hurt and it turned back into the accoustic one! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Belkar…………….Xycon has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the bed now recovering from my slit wrists. (Durkon wus out off spellz lulz) Durkon and Redcloak and Shojo were there too. They were going to Baron Pineapple after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those f***ing pervs adventuring with a party with lots of hot gurlz. Roy had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Shojo came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“Hayley I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“F* off.” I told him. “You know I f*ing hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like f***ed up preps like you.” I snapped. Shojo had been mean to me before for being gottik.

“No Hayley.” Hargrid says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they goffs too you poser prep?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Durkon and Redcloak.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his hand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .

“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.

“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!”

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t a prep.

“OK I believe you now wtf is Belkar?”

Shojo rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Haili,” Roy said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Shojo yelled. Roy lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Shojo stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, Roooy!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Soon Kim on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Serini Toormuck (if u don’t know who she iz ur a prep so eff off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

“You look kawai, girl.” B’loody Celia said sadly. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Durkon and Redcloak couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Banjo was in the Throne Room. He looked all depressed because Belkar had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Belkar. He was sucking some blood from a Tomato.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Elan had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Belkars. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Yugene who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Banjo you f***er!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Belkar!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY LUTE HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have an accoustic lute anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but BloodPaladin changed it into an electric one for me.” he said back. “Anyway my lute hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Belkar…………….Sykon has him bondage!”

Banjo and I ran up the stairs looking for Roy. We were so scared.

“Roy Roy!” we both yelled. Roy came there.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“Fykon has Belkar!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save Belkar!” we begged.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Xykon does to Belkar. Not after how much he misbehaved especially with YOU Haley.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Banjo started crying. “My Belkar!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his hand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Xyron's lair!

We ran in with our hands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Mistintegrate!”
It was……………………………….. Xykon!

We ran to where Cykon was. It turned out that Xykon wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Yikyik was. Belkar was there crying tears of blood. That Guy with the Halberd was torturing him. Banjo and I ran in front of That Guy with the Halberd.

“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “HaleyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

“Huh?” I asked.
”Hayley I love you will you have sex with me?” asked That Guy with the Halberd. I started laughing crudely. “What the eff? You torture my bf and then you expect me to eff you? God, you are so effed up you effing bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

“That Guy with the Halberd what art thou doing?” called Xykon. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our zombie dragons and we flew to the inn. We went to my room. Banjo went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked Belkar taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Celia, because she’s not ugly or anything.”

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such ing sluts.” answered Belkar.

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Durkon and Redcloak took a video of me naked. Shojo says he’s in love with me. Banjo likes me and now even That Guy with the Halberd is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Belkar! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory hayle isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S AN EFFING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.
“Haley Haley!” shouted Belkar sadly. “No, please, come back!”

But I was too mad.

“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Banjo!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Belkar and Banjo. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to goffic thief training.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Dorukan all over them with blood red letters. I put my firey red black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced thiefly work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Belkar!

“Hayley I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those effer preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna effing be with you. I effing love you!.” Then……………. he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Dorukan was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Girard, Dorukan and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da ef out od hr!) .

“OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some effing preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Belkar’s now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Lirian (i efin h8 dat female dog) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Redcloak shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

We ran happily to the concrt. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so ing happy! Girard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Belkar thought so, I could totally see him getting an hard boy's thingy but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Belkar was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Girard pulled off his beard. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Xykon and da Demon Roaches!

“Wtf Belkar im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them”

“What cause we…you know…” he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what.

“Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice.

“We won’t do that again.” Belkar promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”

“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?”

“NO.” he muttered loudly.

“R u becoming a prep or what?” I shootd angrily.

“Haily! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me.

I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B’loody Celia was standing there. “Hajimemae gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW V that effing poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.”

“It serves that efing femdog right.” I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. “Maybe V will die too.” I said.

“Kawai.” B’loody Ceil shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den Redcloak did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”

“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. (cuz Kawaii menz cute geddit)

“OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with bellcar tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

B’Loody Ceelia Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”

“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

“No.” My head snaped up.

‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Celia are u a PREP?”

“NOOOO!NOOOO!” She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near this inn that’s all.”

“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Bellkar or BloodPaladin or Banjo(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

“Roy.” She sed. “Let me just call our zomby dragons.”

“OMFFG ROY?” I asked quietly.

“Yah I saw the map for this town on his desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.”

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in the town. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GIRARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”

“Da real goffs?” Me and B’Loody Celia asked.

“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday Redcloak and Durkon tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”

“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

“Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.

“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” said B’Loody Celia.

“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s Haylee Fireyred dark’ness dementia TARA starshine what’s yours?”

“Xykon-when-he-was-a-human. But everyone calls me Xwhwah” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”

“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf belkar you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Shojo flew in on his black zombie dragon looking worried. “OMFG HAILEE U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!”

Xwhwah gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Shöjö kept shooting at us to *three-letter-word-for-come* back 2 Hogwarts. “WTF Shonjo?” I shouted angrily. “Eff off you effjing bastard.” Well anyway V came (bek frm da ded lulz). Shinji went away angrily.

“Hey female dog you look kawaii.” she said.

“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause V’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

“So r u going 2 da concert wif Belkar?” she asked.

“Yah.” I said happily.

“I’m gong with BloodPaladin.” she anserred happily. Well anyway Belkar and BloodPaladin came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. BloodPaladin was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Belkar was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B’loody Cell was going 2 da concert wif EvilDark. EvilDark used to be called Hank but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed (their hair) in a car crash. Hank converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in da Order now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him EvilDark now. Well anyway we al went 2 Belkar’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Belkar and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gapsed.

Girard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Girard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Girard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes… Every1 ran away but me and Belkar. Belkar and I came (cuz Mycon is sooo sexah). It was…….Bike-on and da Deemn Rouchs! (Again. Some people never learn)

“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Hey! Lee! I told u to kill Banjo. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Belkar!”

“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Xykon ran away. It was…………………………………ROY! (hu grue a beard suddnly & tuk sm lvlz in srcr)

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Belkar and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Roy chased Xykon away. We flew there on our zombie dragons. Mine was black and the eyes were blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR dragon. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) (no I don't. I only know you-know-who…ew)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate room. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Celia and V. B’loody Celia was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. V was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Banjo, EvilDark and Belkar came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Girard Draketooth or Soon kim. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

“Those guys are so ing hot.” Hank was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Xykon yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. (the poor rabbit)

“……………….ROY?1!” we all gasped.

“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Xykon!”

“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”

Everyone from the poser Linier Guild started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.

“BTW you can call me Roy.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

“What an effing poser!” Belkar shouted angrily as we we to Someplace Else. We were holding hands. Banjo looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic draketooth (geddit, draketooth lik Girard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” V shouted.

I was so effing angry.

All day we sat angerly finking about Roy. We were so effing pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.

Anyway, I went to the bar room sadly. Belkar was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

“No one ing understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)

“Accuse me? What about me!” I growled.

“Buy-but-but-” he grunted.

“You effing bastard!” I moaned.

“No! Wait! It’s not what it effing looks like!” he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Belkar banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

Suddenly Shojo came. He had appearated.

“You gave me an effing shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da gurl’s room?”

Only it wasn’t just Shojo. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Xwhwah or maybe Belkar but it was Roy.

“Hey I need to ask you a question.” he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?”

“U no who MCR r!” I gasped.

“No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” He said. “Anyway Belkar has a surprise for u.”

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Xykon had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Belkar so we could do it again.

“Wut de ing hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Redcloak! “R u gonna *** rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Roy had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Durkon since he was a pedo.

“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.

“Yah, so u can do ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.

“effer.” He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Redcloak and Durkon were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and the MitD was watching!1

“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. The MitD ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw durkon is movd 2 linier guild now)

“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Redcloak shouted angrily.

“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.

“You dimwit!.” Durkon began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”

“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Roy. So eff off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Banjo, looking extremely effing hot.

“WTF where’d Belkar?” I asked him.

“Oh he’s bein an effing bastard. He told me he wouldn’t *.” Banjo said shaking his hed. “U wanna * with me? 2 the concert?”

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Nale had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘HAYLE’ on it.

……….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Banjo and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Girard was so effing hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Belkar, cryin in a corner.

Later we all went in the skull (geddit, becos were sudnly at some school and I'm goffic). Belkar was crying in da common room. “Belkar are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.

“No I’m not u effing female dog!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.

“Its ok Hayle.” said Banjo comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”

“U mean you’ll go eff him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Belkar. Banjo came too.

“Belkar please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den ef of!)

And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Banjo got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Thog there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw his puppy come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to bark loudly.

“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Thog.

“No eff u you preppy little poser sun of an effing female dog!” Banjo said under his breast in a disgusted way.

“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Thog. Den he heard his puppy bark. “Puppy is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. The puppy nodded. And then……………………….Banjo frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Thog was taking of da cloak!1

“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Belkar crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

“Belkar!” I cried. “R u okay?”

“I guess though.” Belkar weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Belkar and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Car and da Eye of CC went into da skull!1

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