Nale's next crazy plot to destroy the OotS

The scene is Nale sitting up in a plush bed, covers down to his waist with another lump in the bed with a horn and black hair sticking out, suggesting Sabine resting beside him. It is dark, and Nale is reading by candlelight in agitation. He is reading Order of the Stick: Book 4 - Don't Split the Party opened to strips #592 & #593

Nale: “…this is ridiculous…this is an outrage! This is perfect! EUREKA!”

Sabine: “…honey, I thought our mad-scientist ‘encounter’ was next week.”

Nale: “Of course it is, my dear Sabine, but I have uncovered precisely what I need to at last defeat my hated doofus of a brother and his preposterous Order of the Stick in one blow! I can’t imagine why I didn’t think of this earlier, it’s only 30gp and limited wish got me the whole bundle…”

Sabine pushing head up to look at Nale seductively: “Well, tell me then, you’ve already spent too much time poring over source material tonight.”

Nale: “I have found that I and my brilliant Linear Guild do not have nearly enough screen time, I really must talk to Rick about that…but that’s not the point of this venture! I have discovered an NPC my idiot brother now implicitly trusts, and know exactly the carrot to dangle…”

Sabine, purring: “Really? You’re willing to spend another 25,000gp on a long shot like that? Although I can think of a better long shot that won’t be dangling much longer if I keep stroking your ego…”

Nale, shivering and setting the book aside: “That’s not my ego…”

Sabine interrupts with a wicked laugh: “Oh, you want me to stop then?”

Nale, wrapping an arm around Sabine: “Of course not, I can explain my Thog-proof plan and make Dexterity checks at the same time without penalty…”

The scene is Thog handing a piece of paper and a small jar to a priest of Loki, with a thought bubble over his head with Sabine saying, “Blah-blah-blah Thog good boy blah-blah don’t mess up blah-blah…”

Thog: “Nale say call in favor, Thog hand you scribble paper and jar!”

Nervous Priest: “Please, please, you don’t have to make an Intimidate check, I’ll do whatever Nale wants if it will clear up our, ah, ‘misunderstanding’…”

Thog shrugs: “Pretty lady say all well if no fail, but what Thog do now?”

Nervous Priest, rapidly reading the note: “Well, my Decipher Script will let me speed this up a round or two…aha! Oh, perfect, I can do this in just a few minutes! Oh, uh…” reading slowly from note aloud “…Thog…there…is…ice…cream…at…the…altar…”

Thog, ecstatic: “ICE CREAM FOR THOG!”

Thog barrels over the priest into the temple, cut to priest battered and limping in with Thog jumping in place and clapping his hands

Priest: “You didn’t have to make a bull-rush attempt! Ugh, I failed my Intelligence check on that one. Ok…” very deliberately “Thog can have ice cream now, or…”

Thog picks up priest by robes, jumping up and down “ICE CREAM NOW!”

Priest, choking: “…or…or…oh, gods, Constitution check…a bathtub *wheeze* of Ice Cream *gasp* if he does what note says…”

The relieved priest is dropped and Thog looks crestfallen

Thog, downcast: “Thog want more ice cream, but Thog no read. What note say?!”

Priest, scampering: “Look, just…I’m going to cast a big long spell and then a pretty orc lady will appear on the altar. Nale says if you show her a good time after I talk to her, you can get the ice cream and lots of hugs…”

Thog: “Aw, ritual boring. Ice cream and hugs worth it, Thog suppose…”

Priest, under breath: “Thank Loki his Sense Motive makes a wizard’s constitution look godly…”

The Priest sighs in relief and gives Thog a picture book of kitties to occupy him. Priest starts casting ritual over diamonds. Paste a large censor bar with ‘1 minute later…’ Therkla is restored under a white sheet, only head is currently visible and Thog is still absorbed happily with kittens. The priest whispers into Therkla’s ear as her eyes open, and after a long silent pause she nods, ‘if it means Elan…’

Priest, coughing for Thog’s attention: “Thog, the ritual’s over! Why don’t you come meet our new guest, I’m sure she could use a hug…”


Before Therkla can react (gasping and blushing in surprise) Thog takes her up in a bear hug, the white sheet wrapping around her and preserving PG-13 standards. She wheezes and pats Thog on the back, all too aware of the very strong, very muscular half-orc hugging her affectionately

Therkla: “Th-…Thog? You think I’m pretty?”

Thog releases enough to let Therkla breathe somewhat and looks her in the eye

Thog: “Thog think new pretty lady very pretty. Want good time?”

Therkla hears the blithe ignorance of innuendo in Thog’s voice but blushes hotly anyway

Therkla, sliding her hands along Thog’s arms and shivering: “Oo-oo, beefcake. Uh, what did you have in mind, Thog?”

Thog drops Therkla onto the altar, which a zoom-out now reveals to be an extremely sturdy bed [[extremely sturdy, we’re talking adamantine twice-reinforced bridge-like structure]], to get the kitty book

Thog, holding book up shyly and petting Therkla’s hair: “New pretty lady read to Thog? Pretty have nice-nice hair. Thog do what pretty lady say if she read nice book to Thog!”

Therkla blushes, and takes the book, letting the covers drape just this side of PG-13 as she leans into the now seated Thog meaningfully. Scene cuts to Nale (fully clothed) over a scrying orb with Sabine (also fully clothed, if rather skimpily) leaning over his shoulder.

Nale, triumphantly: “Hah! I knew we could use the big lug for something. Remove all chances to fail an Intelligence check, give plenty of Strength and Constitution opportunities, and he’s unstoppable.”

Broken sound bubble from the orb: “…oh, such strong hands…”

Sabine, clucking: “Phah, I still say he’ll find a way to screw it up. You’re sure this one will infiltrate the Order of the Stick for you?”

Broken sound bubble from the orb: “…mmm, right there Thog…”

Nale, smugly: “I’ll pretend you didn’t say that, using my high Bluff to even fool myself. She’s a ninja with a poetic heart, all I had to do was Forgery through the night and she’s easier to manipulate than my idiot brother.”

Broken sound bubble from the orb: “…YES! MAKE THAT STRENGTH CHECK LIKE YOU MEAN IT!…”

Sabine, smirking: “Hm, well it seems you’re right for now…”


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