Picture the scene. It's a crowded bar, and we approach a group of humans at a table by the fire. It's a dingy bar, but the people are dressed better than most. Thay actually have shoes on for one thing. And as you walk up to them you can hear one of them telling a story.
"Elves are not big drinkers, everyone knows this. They couldn't hold their liquor like some races. Not everybody got a +2 racial bonus to fortitude checks (damned dwarfs). So imagine my suprise to see an elvish wizard sitting all by himself in a bar, obviously more drunk than is safe for someone able to rearrange matter with a thought. Himself……..herself……maybe. I could never tell really. Not that I care much anyway. One of the advantages of true neutral they say. First time I'd seen an elf in this sort of bar, and the last place I'd expect to see one. I know we like the place but you have to admit it's a pretty grungy dump, even for a low rent town on the border of a desert. He, she….it stood out. I mean really stood out. Long purple hair elegantly tied with a band. Raven familiar sqwarking on the barstand. Very fancy red robes, the sort wizards like. Even a cloak. I mean who wears a cloak here. Wouldn't have been shocked if it were a +4 magic item or something. As I was saying I walked in and saw this elf just sitting there, nursing a very large beer. I ain't never had an elf before, so this is my chance.
So I went up to, lets say him, and we got talking. He was called Vesuvius I think. Turns out he was an adventurer on some quest to save the world from an ancient cosmic horror or this "evil undead abomination with exceedingly cold hands and a penchant for inserting them into the wrong orifice" or something. I wasn't really paying much attention at this point. Adventurer types are always out "saving the world" and the like. Rarely means a thing. I mean I remeber those brother from a couple of months back, set out to otherthrow the evil empire they said. Scamming free drinks more like. Right now I offer to buy him another drink. The elf says yes and I'm thinking result! I mean drunk elves are easy, you know what they say. After, like, 20 minutes and 2 more beers I finally get him to say why he is in here. Just got dumped by the……I think I'm gonna say wife. Got busted by one of those instant summons lawyers. And he is soo sad, and really in need of comfort, if you catch my drift. I I'm offering my shoulders to cry on. One thing leads to another and I end up dragging him off to one of the back rooms, and I start "probing the territory" trying to see what works. I think i got an angle when he goes off on a "plunged headfirst into a seething pit of innescapeable darkness" so I make my move.
And do you know what the elf does. He says no. I mean I got 8 levels of bard here and more skill points in persuade than anyone else I know and the elf ends up saying no. To me! And do you know what he says about it. You're gonna love this. "I cannot see how such a liason would be of benefit to either of us. I cannot hope to regain the affections of my, now sadly, former spouse if I indulge in this dalliance. I thank you for your company but I must take my leave." So I try to get him to stay. I am not wasting 25 gold from the drinks. I mention the divorce thing, and that she left him and so on. I put a good bit of effort into that elf. And nothing works. He even said "This seperation may be legal, but my heart is not swayed by a mere piece of paper". What a waste. I mean what kind of a sad sap sticks to a woman who kicked him to the kerb like that. I'm telling you boys, I just don't understand elves."