“Nice try, Ears,” said the Halfling, “But you really should have chosen a disguise that looked like it actually belonged in max security.” With a disturbing suddenness, the Halfling grinned. “Since you obviously can’t break out of this cell anymore than I can… Do you know what they do to pretty, purple-haired little elf-boys like you in prison, Vaarsuvius?”

“It’s Matt,” Matt spat, but his face was paling.

Brandishing the lethally sharp spoon, the madman said, “Because I’m about to show you.”

“Nooooooo!” Matt cried upon abruptly waking, sitting straight up. Rubbing his eyes, he said gruffly but a little sheepishly, “Sorry, I know that’s one of the most annoying clichés in the book, but…” He looked around him. All three of the other adventurers were still asleep. “Okay… Nevermind.” Shuddering a little and trying to push the nightmare out of his thoughts, he slowly lied back down.

“Mmm… Glad you think so Lloyd… Now come here…”

“What?” Matt sat back up, looking around himself again. Everyone was still asleep. He glanced at Lloyd. Nope, definitely not doing anything to Janine. He glanced at Janine—

“Oh, Lloyd, I think I’m wounded…”

“Wounded?” Matt repeated, raising an eyebrow. He’d never heard that one before.

“You must Lay Hands on me…”

Oh. That made sense. He should’ve seen that one coming, really. As Janine’s words dissolved into little moans that made him uncomfortable on multiple levels, he lied back again, muttering, “Who seriously talks in their sleep anyway?” and tried to go back to sleep.

“Let me show you another use for Water Drops…”

Water Drops? Matt frowned. Weren’t those those little pills wizards could make out of water that released mouthfuls of water when you chewed on them?

“That’s right, put it there…”

“What the…?” Matt murmured.

“Now squeeze… Ah!”

“Is she…?”

“Mmm… You know, if you’re Good…” There was a little snorting sound that might have been Janine giggling, “The water tastes sweet… Oh, yes…”

“Oh, no…” Matt said with a grunt, rolling over and clutching his stomach. He did not want to hear this.

“I also know another use for—”

“Gah!” Matt cried, clapping his hands over his ears. How am I going to get back to sleep with this show playing in the background? Well, he couldn’t hear her with his hands over his ears, at least. Okay. I can do this… He started taking deep breaths in an attempt to make himself fall asleep faster while keeping his hands over his ears. Though this method wasn’t quite as efficient as he’d hoped for it to be, after about half an hour he felt himself drifting off. His arms relaxed has he sunk into a peaceful slumber, his hands gently falling away from his ears…

“Oh, Lloyd, I didn’t know you were a sorcerer…”

“Huh…?” Matt muttered sleepily.

“There really are a lot of uses for Prestidigitation… Mmm…”

Ba-dum, ting! Matt’s half-dreaming mind supplied for that one liner as he let out a moan of protest. He tried to sit up again, but realized he was already falling asleep, Janine’s words weaving themselves into his dreams…


“Nooooo!” Matt cried out again, awaking while sitting bolt upright for the second time that night. Taking deep breaths to calm himself down, he looked around to find that once again he’d failed to wake up the other three adventurers. It wouldn’t have been all that bad, he mused, wiping the cold sweat from his brow, if there hadn’t been so much… Lloyd. After shooting a glare at the now innocently silent Janine, he lied back and was asleep within minutes.


Remus raised his head to make his best you-should-feel-guilty sad eyes at the screaming human but to no avail; the little punk didn’t even glance at him. Apparently no one cares if they wake up just a dog in the middle of the night. As Matt went back to sleep, Remus put his own head back down with a self-righteous sniff, but raised it again after a few seconds.

Remus heard a sound. It sounded like an animal sound, but it wasn’t a familiar sound. A weird tp-tp-tp-tp-tping was prowling in a circle around them. The dog scanned the forest as best as he could, a low growl rumbling in the back of his throat. It was hard to tell now that Radic’s friend had started muttering in her sleep again, but after a few seconds it sounded like the tp-tping had stopped. This didn’t make Remus feel any better. Whining a little, he nudged Radic’s arm with his nose.


“Urg, Remus…” Radic groaned, batting her companion’s cold nose away from her, “What is it?”

Remus whined and poked her arm with his nose again.

“Okay, okay,” said Radic, sitting up and scratching him behind an ear, “What’s wrong, boy?”

“Mmrr… Lloyd,” Janine murmured, “You can… Desecrate my temple… Anyday…”

“Well that’s nothing new,” said Radic, playing with Remus’ ears, “Did she wake you up?”

Remus sniffed a little and let out another whimper.

“Northern ambush… Gnnh…” Lloyd was muttering, a sheen of sweat shining on his face.

“Oh,” said Radic, glancing over at him, “Poor guy… Wonder what’s going on in there?”


Remus settled down with a sigh while Radic sat down near the boy with a horse, stroking his hair occasionally and whispering little sympathetic phrases. It was just his luck that when he tries to warn her about possible danger, she decides she wants to get a head start on mating with something just because it looked pitiful when it slept. Oh well, he still hadn’t heard any more tp-tping, so maybe they were safe after all.


Lloyd seemed to be sleeping more peacefully now, and even though the way his face looked so smooth and elegant in the moonlight made Radic feel warm and giddy inside, at last she decided it was time she got back to sleeping too. As she drifted off next to a a sleeping Remus, oblivious to a faint tp-tp-tping sound approaching the camp from a distance, she decided that this was going to be the best campaign ever.

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