I am Mary Sue, the newest member of The Order of the Stick. Roy asked me to join when he saw how beautiful and talented I was. I agreed because I could see that they needed my help. We had arrived at Serrini’s Gate when the IFCC had taken over Vaarsuvius’ soul! Vaarsuvius became very powerful and was going to kill us but my purity meant that I was immune to his evil magic and I walked over and kissed him, which returned him to normal. He was so grateful that he cried and then I comforted him and we slept together. I don’t know how anyone can think that he is a girl.
Belkar was very angry with Vaarsuvius and wanted to kill him but I taught him the importance of forgiveness and we did it which converted him to good which is a loophole in the prophecy so he didn’t have to die anymore.
There were trees guarding the gate so Durkon got scared but I showed him that there was nothing to be afraid of by climbing up a tree and pulling him up and then doing it in the tree but I’m not promiscuous.
I also showed Haley that stealing was wrong and how to make enough money to pay her father’s ransom and still have money to give to charity. (I could have rescued her father myself, but it would be wrong to leave debts unsettled.) She said, “Thank you Mary for showing me the error of my ways. You would be a much better girlfriend for Elan than I ever was!” I was to, because under my passionate and compassionate guidance, he was able to become intelligent and earned a Phd.
We were about to arrive at the gate but Xykon, Tsukiko and Redcloak were already there! “Oh no!” said Roy, “I am not powerful enough to defeat them!”
“I can give you the confidence to beat them.” I said and I spent the night with him because that Celia was a coward who didn’t deserve him. “I feel amazing!” he said. Then he ran over and destroyed Xykon and his Fylacktree. “How could I have sided with someone so evil?” asked Redcloak and he went home to make peace with the humans. “Noooooo!” cried Tsukiko and she killed herself with a steak. The Monster in the darkness could see that I was a being of goodness like his friend O-Chul so he didn’t attack us. But then the Snarl came!!!!!!!
Luckily I convinced the Snarl that unmaking was bad and he restored everyone that he unmade and everyone lived happily ever after.