Sabine was shocked to see the elf in a lower planes bar. True neutral, maybe, but never CE. And even if he/she was evil, she would have expected him/her to be being tortured, not drinking. She had to figure this out.
"So, why are you here, and not either listening to a harp or having a pitchfork shoved up your ass?"
Vaarsuvius looked startled to see her, but he recovered quickly. "As it turns out, even only agreeing to temporary condemnation here does not actually mean that the IFCC has to help you leave. Contract law is rather loophole-ridden."
"And the lack of a pitchfork?"
"I know a good lawyer. Though this bar qualifies as torture on it's own. Non-alcoholic bourbon is a low I did not believe possible even of demons."
"Yes, Grazzt was a real genius, wasn't he? Where's your other half, by the way? As I recall, she preferred the wine."
"I had wondered if you knew. You know, I tranced while in the same room as Haley for years, and she never even suspected. You were the only one who ever could tell which I was."
Sabine looked pleased. "Do you really think I could miss that you switched genders every time I saw you? I am literally an evil incarnation of Lust. But that doesn't answer my question."
Vaarsuvius sat down next to her. "I was in the bathroom. How do you Fiends manage to make even plumbing creepy?"
"It's all about the peepholes."
"Oh, god!" Vaarsuvius looked disgusted. "Is there any fetish you haven't experienced? "
"Actually", Sabine replied, "I've never had twins."
"You can shapechange. Well, Alter Self at least."
"Yes, but incest adds an extra kick most of the time."
"So", the elves looked at each other for a second, "if we were to help you fill this void, you might be appreciative?"
Sabine studied the pair, the way one's hand was lingering on the other's back. "Of course. What did you have in mind."
"Communication with souls in the mortal realm, access to a Scrying or similar Divination effect, and you get…what you want. All you need to do is sign." One Vaarsuvius pulled out a sheaf of papers, the other offered a pen.
"Wait…you're offering me a contract? Why did you even have a contract prepared?"
"I've been looking for a decent demon, but you specifically should make this more fun."
"You're telling a fiend to sign?"
"Of course. That way you cannot find a way to screw us. Well, at least no unexpected methods."
Sabine grinned. "Girl, I will be shocked if you manage to avoid being surprised." She quickly added her name below theirs.
The twins finished their drinks, then glanced at each other. "So, do you start, or do I?"
"Oh, let me. I've been wanting to do this since we met her."
Sabine started to lean in.
"Room 317. There's a Dvati in there whose boyfriend just broke up with her, and they've been hitting the absinthe fairly hard. I recommend going as male, but that's just me."
Sabine didn't understand, but had a sinking feeling she was about to.
"You know, you really should read things before you sign them. It's amazing how often simple things, like who actually will fulfill the terms of the contract, can become muddled. Anyway, enjoy yourself!"
"We will not expect fulfillment of your side until at least Monday."
"What…But that isn't even incest…I thought.."
"You didn't think."
"I'm never wrong about who wants to screw who! I got that you didn't like me, but I was sure you wanted each other!"
"You still got a Dvati pair out of the deal, so stop complaining. That's actually more intimate than incest."
The amused imp behind the bar watched Sabine head for the stairs. "You know, it's not often I get to see one of them get tricked.
Drinks are on the house. How'd you fool her, anyways?"
The elves glanced at each other for a second, "We didn't." He even got to see a long kiss before they walked away.